My Dad: Magnet for strange and hilarious road rage incidents and Dr. Johnny Fever look-alike.

So my dad is always having friggin' WEIRD things happen to him. Like, this shit doesn't happen to ANYONE else... sometimes I think he really is just making it all up. But he's not. And that's effed UP!!! Strangely, all of these stories typically involve my dad telling people to "stop driving like a goof" and to slow down. I get the feeling that my dad would not get along very well with Sammy Hagar.

ANYWAYS, here's the newest one, as told to me by my sister.

So, my dad was driving down the street that their house is on to go to the gas station for some cigarettes. (The gas station is a 2 min walk away, but this is just too much for him apparently.) There's an school on that street so my dad feels like he should really remind people of this all the time. ("HELLOOOOO!! It's a school zone, you goof!") This dude was driving much too fast for my Dad's liking so he yelled at the guy to slow down.

BTW, Is it grade 5? My dad still thinks "goof" is like, the biggest insult there is.

Dad pulls into the gas station parking lot, and Speedy Gonzales follows him into the parking lot. My dad gets out of the car, and the guy is sitting in a van and he starts yelling and screaming at my dad. So my dad goes over to talk to the guy and tell him to slow down and be a more responsible driver... and this is where shit gets FUNNY.

In the back of Speedy's van, are a shitload of birds. Like, TONS of them. All sitting in cages. Speedy is still yelling at my dad and they are talking things out when... One of the birds starts talking!! He is calling my dad an effing a-hole!! (Except the bird was using ACTUAL SWEARS!!) THAT'S HILARIOUS!!! WHO GETS SWORN AT BY PARROTS??? NOBODY!!! IT'S CRAZY!!!

That's the kind of weird shit that happens to my dad. Swearing parrots in gas station parking lots.

On a side note, I think I may have just come up with the next big hit reality TV show for FOX... DON'T YOU STEAL IT!!!