So, I have decided that instead of celebrating things like love and romance and puppies and how much I love puppies, etc. on this so called "Day of Valentines"... I would instead celebrate the most expressive and wonderous type of word: The Swear Word. That's right, bitches! Today is fucking Valentine's Day, or as I call it The Festival of Fucking Swearing!!!
Basically, what happens on this most festive one day festival is that you swear at people! It's so awesome! It fucking ROCKS! Plus, when you stick in random swears in a sentence, everything becomes funnier! WAY FUNNIER!!!
So far the festival of swears is going alright. It's not at the extreme level of amazingness that it WILL eventually reach, because I'm at work. I can't really swear at everyone here. Plus, I was working with Phyllis this morning, and I just do not have it in me to swear at that woman. She's just too innocent. I think only Satan himself would have enough evil to be able to pull that off and still be able to live with himself. And even then, like the entire population of hell would be so pissed off at him for doing it, that they would have a full on war going on down there.
ANYWAYS, so the swearing will really fucking take off when I leave work. It will be no problem at all! Why? Because this evening, my plans are like all about love. IT's fucking rediculous. Tonight, I'm going TO A BRIDAL SHOP with Steph while she tries on HER WEDDING DRESS on FUCKING VALENTINES DAY!! It was pure coincidence that it falls on this particular day... and I do believe that she didn't do it on purpose. It is pretty fucking funny though.
It will be even more funny, because she thinks it's funny when I swear. HAHAHAHA!!! I'm going to swear in a bridal shop on Valentines Day... and you are not. You are so fucking insanely jealous of me right now.
ANYWAYS... allow me to close off this entry by giving you a tutorial of how to properly incorporate both the swearing and the love. Here are some examples of appropriate responses to commonly used phrases and questions related to Valentine's Day.
THEM: "I totally love you."
YOU: "I fucking love you too. GOD DAMN!"
THEM: "Do you love me?"
YOU: "Fuck yeah."
THEM: "Do you love puppies?"
YOU: "Fuck yeah."
THEM: "Do you love Valentine's Day?"
YOU: "Yes, I really do love Valentine's Day. Like a motherfucker."
You get the point. So enjoy yourselves, bitches! Swear it up good!
PS: Today is Carla's Birthday!! We love Carla, so let's combine all three occasions into one super fantastic greeting:
It's fucking Valetine's Day!!! But who cares about that cause it's Carla's Birthday!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARLA!!!
And THAT is how we do it up, bitches.
1 comment:
hello..steph here.
i would like to state for the record that i did not plan to go for my dress fitting on fucking valentines day.
thank you
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