Damn you, Friday, March 31st, 2006!

DAMN YOU!!!

Today was very busy at work again. That is not good times. My brain feels like mush. Of course, my natural tendancy is to medicate with alcohol... which ever since last Friday has really won me over. I think that maybe I am ALL ABOUT drinking on Fridays after work.

Now if only drinking alone wasn't so pathetic, I'd really be in business!

Today is also a very sad day at work. It's Sheldon's last day. Wah! Now I have to find someone else who understands nerd speak and appreciates butternut squash as much as I do. (BTW, butternut squash effing KILLS it!)

To top off the crappiest of days, I just spilled soup on my shirt. Luckily, it doesn't appear to have left a stain... but it is still wet (SO GROSS!!!) so I can't say for sure.

One good thing has come of this day though. I discovered that apparently I give awesome presents! Maybe if you move away, you too could get a 100% authentic (in no way fabricated by me) photo of the Fonz. It's totally real. I guess I am just lucky! It's not every day that you just happen to run into Henry Winkler on your way home AND (miracle of all miracles) happen to be carrying both a sharpie and a glossy photo of the Fonz! Seriously. What ARE the odds?

I totally get my new car tomorrow. Jealous much? I thought so. You love it. It's gonna be pretty rad. I will get my picture taken in it. There might possibly be a "thumbs up" involved. *yesss!*

I will have to go say goodbye to Sheldon soon. That sucks. Saying goodbye to people is lame. Unless of course you hate them, in which case it is actually kind of awesome. But I don't hate him, so it's totally lame.

This just in: I am not funny today! Perhaps I have misplaced my mojo or something. Whatevs. I'll be funny again later. Just you watch. The next post will rock harder than Bon Jovi and GNR put together. TOGETHER!!! (That is some pretty hard rockin', FYI!) Allow me illustrate:















+

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Later, jerks!

Tanzen! Tanzen!

I find that yelling things in German adds just a hint of comedy to any situation. Just a little tip. Try it out next time you are hanging with your peeps. They will love it.

ANYWAYS, I am really having to supress the urge to dance today. Normally, I would never try and NOT dance... but I am at work. Everyone here already thinks I'm weird, so I don't think I really need to fuel the fire, you know? But seriously. Dancing for no reason should not be seen as strange activity. I feel as though life in the corporate world would vastly improve with the addition of regularly scheduled dance breaks. An even BETTER idea would be to encourage employees to just bust a move whenever they feel like it. What an awesome work environment that would be!
















Ummm... can anyone say BEST IDEA EVER????


Because damn it, I'm a person too! I deserve to be able to publicly dance without being judged by my peers! (Though, let's face it. If I did actually just dance around at work all the time, everyone would totally be judging me. The results of this judging? A perfect 10, natch.) On second thought, maybe I shouldn't dance at work. It would make everyone jealous of my mad skillz, and that would create tension in the work environment.

So I have basically come full circle here. Again, I will stifle the work dancing.

But I'm not happy about it.

Have you ever been so jealous of me that you cried a little?

No? WELL GET READY!!!

I just got the COOLEST present EVER. Before I tell you what it is, you will need to know how lame my office looks. I have a stupid fake plant that my boss put in here as a joke because she thinks is UGLY... and two of the most awful pieces of framed artwork I have ever seen. They are not even close to being cool. The only thing in here that is actually mine is a little picture of my nephew that is on my desk.

UNTIL NOW.

About 5 mins ago I was working away when Sheldon came in and handed me what is probably one of the coolest things anyone has ever given me.

HIS AUTOGRAPHED SPECIALS POSTER!!!!!!!


I still can't believe he isn't taking that with him. But he's not. And now it's mine. And now I am awesome. And so is my office.

OH

HECK

YEAH!!

I'm so freaking excited about it!!!!!! I keep looking over at it hanging on my wall and then I grin like a fool.

The battle for the coolest kid in the office is SO ON! I'm totally a contender now. All because I have an AUTOGRAPHED SPECIALS POSTER!!! And I'm wearing a ruffle-y shirt. You can't go wrong with ruffles on your shirt. The people love it. They can't get enough of it.

So hooray for me and my cool poster!!!

But mostly hooray for Sheldon for being so wickedly awesome for giving it to me. Sheldon RULES!
















Just like San Dimas High School Football. But a little more.

But I thought that kinda thing only happened in jail...

So, apparently I am totally Friday's bitch. Every damn week it comes along and kicks me in the shins like, way hard and then calls me mean names. Friday proper (between the hours of 8am - 5pm) is a total asshole.

Friday night is kinda good times though. I'm okay about it.

Today was like... the busiest day EVER! How's that for SUCKING?

I just remembered that I think I have a beer in my fridge. In fact there may be several. I'm feeling pretty good about that right now. I think I want it.

Holy crap.

I think I sprained my brain or something. Can you do that? I'm pretty sure I just did. I'm trying so hard to be funny and it just hurts! I mean what the hell? Nothing is working up there.

I'm mostly just confused. Pretty much like this guy:

















Seriously. What? WHAT??????????????????

Oy.

WHAT????

I want to go home. Please let me go home.

Wah.

Move over Emeril, there's a new chef in town...

Last night Lydia and I may have developed what will likely become known as "the best recipe in the history of recipes". Seriously. What is it? Prepare to be amazed...

NON-VEGAN VEGAN BROWNIES!!!!! (Patent pending.)

I sense some confusion on your part. Allow me to explain. I'm not usually down with vegan stuff. Vegans are annoying. (That's right, I said it! Are you mad? Go drink your wheatgrass, HIPPIE!) ANYWAYS, Lyds and I wanted to bake something but we had no eggs. Rather than going to GET eggs, I cleverly thought of making vegan brownies.

Vegan brownie recipes are the only GOOD thing those vegans ever did for us.

BUT... since vegans are so annoying, we totally used other animal products in our recipe. (patent pending.) It turned out great! They are both delicious and ironic. Everything tastes better when irony is involved.

Maybe if you are nice to me, I will let you try some of our amazingly ironic Non-Vegan Vegan Brownies (patent pending). Or maybe I could just eat them all by myself. There's always that option.

Later, jerks. (Patent pending.)

Good times with Wednesday morning!

So what if the bus arrived WAY late this morning... and therefore made me like 15 mins late to work. Meh. "Snakes on a Plane..."It didn't even make me mad. Cause this Wednesday morning is AWESOME!

I came in and worked for an hour and 15 mins... went downstairs and chatted with my peeps for a few mins... then watched RON SEXSMITH play NEW SONGS while sitting 5 FEET AWAY from me!!!! Ummm.. hello? Awesome much? Totally! He is really just a lovely man. It was lovely.

Jealous much? Thought so, bitches!

SO... I'm back at my desk now, after the RON SEXSMITH EXTRAVAGANZA OF AWESOMENESS (!!!!!!!!!!!) and I am enjoying an organic poptart. DE-LISH.

Wednesday morning RULES! Just like San Dimas High School Football.

I'd like to kick it old school...

I was thinking yesterday about how there are so many awesome catch phrases that I LOVED to say, but now they are dead. Because that's how it is with catch phrases. They are with us for a limited time only. One time offer.

"Where's the Beef?" That was a good one.

"Schaaa. And monkeys will fly out of my butt." Actually, I still say that one sometimes.

"Gag me with a spoon." Classic.

I've decided that since my powers should be used for an acceptable ratio of good to evil (I'm thinking like... 60/40 in terms of percentages.) that I will devote myself to reviving some of our best loved catch phrases. I'll just pepper my conversations with them and they will pop up here and there for your enjoyment. Stay tuned for the catch phrase revival!

Peace out, yo.

PS: Harry Potter is an economic girly man!!!!

So... do you like... stuff?

Cause I like stuff. If you also like stuff, maybe we can hang out sometime and talk about... you know, stuff. Email me and we'll set it up. Chances are if you are reading this, you will be able to set up said date without emailing me because you can:

a) Yell down the hallway for confimation of hang out time.
b) Call me on the phone for confimation of hangout time.
c) Stand in front of me and give confirmation via high-fives.

Isn't nice to know that the internet brings us all closer together?

I have been feasting today, my friends. First I had organic raisin bran with flax seeds in it. Yummy. Then I ate some plain melba toast. Then I ate my way delish pasta for lunch which had loads of yumminess in it. But that is not the exciting part. The exciting part is how I have eaten my weight in yogurt covered raisins. They are pretty good, but good god you are not supposed to eat as many as I have! Now I have yogurt-breath and I hate yogurt breath. Wah.

What can I say? Compared to yesterday, today is a slow news day. No Hitler sightings today, my friends.

Tomorrow is secret concert day! I'm way excited. Lydia says I should bring my camera to take pictures. Ummmm... how about not? Most of the people around here already think I'm an idiot. I'll be damned if I just give them ammo! No way, man. If you are going to make fun of me, you are going to have to think of reasons to do so allllll by yourself!

I have work to do, believe it or not! Later, jerks!

Movin' On Up...

Sorry. No Deee-luxe apartment in the sky to be found here, friend. BUT... we do have a shiny new car on the way! I'm terribly excited. I got a brand new Yaris! Woot! It's good times. I am going to get it next week sometime. Awesome. You are sooooo jealous right now. It's okay. Need a hug? Go ask your MOM! (ohhh, BURN!)

Today has been fairly awesome as far as Mondays go. I'm having a good time. I'll tell you why.

This morning I went downstairs to fill my water bottle and the vending machine guy was there. Why is this hilarious and strange? Because the vending machine guy kinda looks a little bit like Hitler. Seriously. You just imagine what it looks like to see a sort-of-Hitler refilling a vending machine. See? Funny stuff! (Note: Before I committed to the idea that he looks like Hitler, I made sure to ask a jury of my peers. He agreed. There are no rules that say I can't have a one person jury.)

I got some other very exciting news this morning. I get to see a secret concert that no one else knows about! YEAH! It's going to be awesome. I can provide no details at this time... as I fear you will use this vague information to figure out things about me... and next thing I know you'll be following me home on the bus. I just don't want to deal with that right now. Plus, I like the idea that you are sitting there right now thinking "WHAT SECRET CONCERT???" It is killing you. And I love it. *MUAHAHAHAHA!*

THEN... I got to eat leftover Shepherd's Pie for lunch. My mom made it. It was delish. That's the thing I miss about living at home... the mom cooking part. I bet YOU didn't get to eat Shepherd's Pie for lunch, did you? Nope. That's why today is awesome.

One more thing that makes today so awesome is that I recently discovered (my boss pointed this out to me 5 mins ago...) that a guy I work with totally lokos like Ricky Gervais!!! SO AWESOME!!! I get the feeling he doesn't watch the Office though. Now I just have to trick him into re-enacting all the best bits of the show. Like the dancing. My imitation of the David Brent dance has won rave reviews around town, btw. If you have any suggestions of hilarious David Brent moments you would like me to trick the look-alike into re-enacting, just ask. I'll let you know if my attempts are successful. This is going to be amazing.

One more thing before I go. Every year I taunt my family about how I am going to get them the most useless, crappy, lame-o gifts in the world for Christmas. This usually involves some new sort of Starfrit product. BUT, being the nice girl that I am... I always get them good gifts anyways.

But not this year. This year, everyone I know is going to get THE WORST GIFT YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE. IT IS TOTALLY USELESS. UTTER CRAP, I TELL YOU. SO AWFUL, YOU WILL BE CONVINCED THAT I HATE YOU.

Harry Potter for everyone, bitches!

AHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I hate you, Potter.

Cooking Secrets of the CIA

That used to be the title of a cooking show. I don't think it's on anymore. But I remember when I first saw a commercial for it... I was REALLY excited. I mean think about it... how AMAZING does that sound? At first I thought it didn't make much sense to have a cooking show about the CIA... but then I realised that it actually makes perfect sense! Think about it... the CIA is full of INSANE secrets! Like... stuff that if they told you would make your head explode! So just imagine how many wicked recipes those guys must have!

But then the show was ruined for me. When I watched it, I discovered the horrible truth about this show. To my dismay, they were not sharing the cooking secrets of THE CIA (Central Intelligence Agency), but rather the CIA. (Culinary Institute of America). I was very upset, and as a result was soured on the genre of cooking shows for quite some time. The lesson we can all learn from this kids? DO YOUR RESEARCH. That's right. I did not do my research and thus committed myself to watching a television show that turned out to be a complete fraud.

It still stings, after all these years.

Honestly, I don't even know what made me think about that. What can I say, it's a slow day around here today. I've got time to contemplate.

On a completely unrelated note, I finally figured out the name of this song that is in a TV commercial that I see all the time. It pissed me off, cause I knew the song, I just couldn't place it. Turns out, it is the pre-chorus bit of Der Kommissar! I totally should've known that! Damnit! I love that song. But seriously, who uses that song in a commercial and DOESN'T use the chorus?? That's the only way people are gonna know it!

Meh.

Back to business. (Or "bid-nezzzz" as my business teacher David Meers used to say. I liked it when he said that. It was silly.)

Peace out.

Canada Post - friend or foe?

Steph sent me a postcard from Cuba and I still haven't gotten it yet! I'm pissed about it! I love getting mail. Apparently the post card is fab. I want to see it, damnit! SO, who do I blame for this? I would say Cuba, since everyone seems to want to blame the commies for EVERYTHING these days... but I really think it's not their fault.

Stupid Canada Post stole the bloody thing, I'm sure of it!

Now of course, since I just went ahead and called them thieves, it will totally come soon. Then I will have to post an apology. Whatever.

"Dear Canada Post,

I'm really very sorry about accusing you of stealing in front of the entire internet community. But seriously, can you blame me? You always seem to bring my fucking bills right on time, but somehow the cool shit takes forever to get here. What's up with that? There is something sinister going on here, Canada Post... and I think it's about time you finally own up to it. Hey, look at that! This didn't really turn out to be much of an apology, did it? Oh well.

Bring me my goddamn postcard and then we will talk about apologies.

Your friend who is better than you in so many ways,

Sarah"

Guess what song is playing right now? Vogue by Madonna.

*2 minutes pass*

I was very busy striking poses just now. It's a shame no one walked past to see said poses. They were quite impressive.

Hahaha! Someone totally just came in here and I was listening to VOGUE!!! He ignored it, but I bet he was judging me. whatevs.

Later, bitches!

Sarah and the Best Sleep Ever!

Yesterday was such a tired day. I was bloody exhausted. This is what happens when for 4 consecutive days you have really bad sleeps and then just when you think that on Saturday night you are going to have the most amazing sleep since the great sleep of January 2004, Jesselyne viciously tricks you and instead of having the best sleep ever in your comfy queen size bed, you end up sharing a teeny tiny cot with another person. That, my friends was not the best sleep ever, btw. It was probably the worst. It was a very small cot.

Sunday night was the best sleep ever. The kind when you go to sleep and wake up a million hours later, look at the clock and say to yourself, "Oh HELL yeah!". It made me have a happy monday morning. Good times.

SO... yesterday after I finally got home, I went out again and had the BEST fish and chips ever. (Ever, ever? Evah, evah? Yep.) I had them at Granville Island at an outdoor shack-restaurant by the fish docks called "Go Fish!". It was so good, that I almost feel like I should walk around the city and writing "For a good time call Go Fish!" on bathroom walls. Delish. If you decide to try it for yourself, give us a ring and I'll totally go with you. It's soooooooooooooo yummy.

While we were there, I saw a strange thing. There was a group of protesters marching across the Granville Street Bridge. Apparently, they were illiterate. They had the worst chant I have ever heard. It was embarrassing. It made no sense at all. There were no complete sentences. Here is their chant: (which was done in the traditional protest manner of call and answer.)

"WE WANT!"
"CHINA!"
"WE WANT!"
"CHINA!"
"HUMAN RIGHTS!"
"CHINA!"
"STOP THE KILLING!"
"LONG LIVE!"
"WE WANT!"
"LONG LIVE!"
"STOP THE KILLING!"
etc, etc...

They appeared to have 4 or 5 things to yell out, which they rotated at random. This caused much confusion amonst witnesses of said protest. For a few good minutes I thought these people were proposing that we just go in there and take over China. They seemed to really want it. Then it seemed like they wanted China to live long and prosper. Then they were suddenly mad at China for human rights violations. Small children started running around the restaurant area yelling about how they too wanted China. It was all just so very confusing. Here are some comments made by observers of this strange phenomenon:

Me: "We want! Complete sentences!"
Jess: "I wonder if that's an ESL field trip..."

So, this inspired me to come up with a handy little guide to protest chants. It's pretty easy.

TIP #1: Complete sentences, a-holes! That one is obvious.
eg: "WE WANT! CHINA! TO STOP! KILLING PEOPLE!" Now we all get what your deal is. See?

TIP# 2: Rhyming helps. People remember that shit. Plus it is fun to say!
eg: "Human rights is wicked awesome! Human rights is supported by possums!"
(So that one needs a little work. But you get the point.)

TIP #3: Don't give the bullhorn to the one person in your group that is a complete tool. I'm pretty sure that's what happened yesterday.

That's all for now. Work to do!

Later, bitches!

Blogging - A great way to ruin surprises!

It's Lydia's birthday tomorrow and I have been super excited allllll week about giving her the present I got for her. But she wouldn't let me give it to her early. I just now thought about how HILARIOUS it would be if I totally wrote about what I got her and then she would read it... and be really mad at me! HAHAHA!!

Making people mad is funny. But I won't tell, since we are only one day away anyways. I am like... the best friend anyone could ever ask for. Seriously. I am all about the personal sacrifice. I am what you might call a "giver". (Hey... mom... STOP LAUGHING NOW!)

Hey... do you believe in signs? Cause I think I just got one. Here's what happened 30 seconds ago.

I am sitting in my office... rocking out to The Jesus and Mary Chain (go ahead and think about how much cooler that makes me...) and eating an apple. As soon as I finished my apple, someone came into my office and gave me a chocolate hedgehog. Now if that's not a sign, I don't know WHAT is! See? If I don't eat chocolate all the time, the baby Jesus will cry. I eat chocolate for the benefit of all mankind. (YOU'RE WELCOME, by the way!)

Duran Duran "Wild Boys" just came on. Umm... holy CRAP is Simon LeBon a total fox or WHAT?? DURAN DURAN RULES! *high five* This reminds me of a conversation I just had with my dear friend Sheldon, who now I think I hate a little bit. Now before you start crying about it, let me explain. Hate means "am slightly jealous of". That's what you get for having DURAN DURAN as your first concert! And for the Seven and the Ragged Tiger tour, no less! Pffft.

Keep in mind that had I not been so busy with being 2 YEARS OLD at the time, you know I would have been there!

I'm not really mad. Just envious. I think maybe he should give me a present to make up for his "Duran Duran" first concert totally overshadowing my "Debbie Gibson - Electric Youth Tour" fiasco.

Perhaps a sandwich would suffice. Or an autographed poster of the Specials. (FOR REALS! HE REALLY HAS ONE!!)

No fair.

One more thing. Yesterday I saw a guy walking down broadway playing air guitar. When he got closer, I discovered that he was also singing the guitar parts. Awesome.

Later, bitches!

I said BRRRR! It's cold in here...

... there must be a cool kid named Sarah in the atmosphere.

If you know where that line comes from then we should probably hang out sometime. (Hint: It is from a movie that may or may not star Kirsten Dunst as a cheerleader that I may or may not have seen 5 times.)

But seriously folks, it is a bit nippy in here. I am sitting at my desk with my sleeves of my jacket pulled down to cover my hands... and I have my giant collar flipped up like Fonzie. So basically, I am the coolest person in this building right now, both literally and figuratively speaking. Wow. Hold on a sec, that just blew my mind a little. *blinks 3 times* Okay. We're good.

Steph is back from Cuba. I am going to visit her today. It's exciting. I bet we will smoke cigars. That's pretty much what goes on in Cuba. Nothing else. Just cigar smoking. I hate smoking, but for a cigar I might give it a go. Even with the faux-asthmatic situation.

I heard a funny advert today. It was for some sort of spa school where you can learn massage therapy and crap like that. ANYWAYS, at the beginning it says "Passion, passion, passion..." and then some other guy says some crap about the school... then the other guy comes back on and says something along the lines of "If you enjoy touching people in any way, this is the job for you!"

HAHAHA! It's so pervy!! And they don't realize it! That's hilarious!! Come on!! I love exclaimation points!!

I need to eat now. The tummy is getting mad at me. Today I am eating some delicious Annie's with veggies in it... sans octodog. Octodog is SICK. (And not in the 2002 way, when "sick" really meant "totally awesome", but in the 2006 way when "sick" actually means "sick". As in "disgusting".)

Peace out, bitches.

Gimme Candy!

I love candy. I don't think you understand. I said I LOVE CANDY. Seriously. I am all about the candy.

This is a problem.

Over the past few days I have eaten a rediculous amount of mini eggs. It's crazy. There is a bag of them sitting on my desk right now, and I can barely handle it. I don't think you understand the sheer volume of these things that I have consumed.

The Cadbury peeps just called me and they were all "Seriously, save some for everyone else JERK. We can only work so fast."

Once I finish the bag, I will not have to worry about it anymore.

Well, not until Easter, anyways.

Screw you, Cadbury. You AND your delicious small chocolate eggs!

NINJA MONDAY IN FULL EFFECT!

So far, Ninja Monday is going amazingly. I ended up wearing all black, and I didn't even think about it! How amazing is THAT? I guess I just have the mad ninja skills in me. I don't even have to try. You might be wondering how everyone else in the office is responding to the concept of Ninja Monday. The reaction is exactly how it should be... they don't have a clue! That's right, nobody here even suspects that it is Ninja Monday.

Before you get all up in my grill about how since I am the only participant, Ninja Monday actually is a failure... you must think about this first. I said that NOBODY SUSPECTS A THING. That is actually the whole point. If everyone knew that today was Ninja Monday and I was being a ninja, then I'd be a really shitty ninja, wouldn't I? Ninjas must operate secretively. Incognito. So that nobody suspects a thing. And they don't. Which is why my skills are so solid. SOLID!

Speaking of solid performances, how awesome are the Rolling Stones??? I have been listening to them non-stop on my totally old school mp3 player (seriously, I might as well be listening to tapes on a fucking WALKMAN.) and it is fantastic! Every time I hear "She's So Cold" it makes me think of that time on the Simpsons when Homer went to Rock 'N Roll Fantasy Camp and Mick was teaching them how to walk like a rooster.




















I don't think I need to tell you how awesome this is.

Classic. The Rolling Stones phase is turning out to be WAY more fun than my Roxy Music phase ever was!

That is all for now. If you tell anyone about Ninja Monday I will judo chop your head off.

Or I could punch you in the fucking throat, since I know how.

Watch yourself!

Monday is coming? What? Shut the fuck up!

Sunday night, you are mean.

I just totally won the Oscar betting extravaganza OF THE CENTURY, (Lyds and I bet mini eggs and jelly beans on each category... I totally kicked ass. I have a sixth sense about awards shows. I know things. Things I am not supposed to know.) but instead of going out and celebrating ninja-style like I DESERVE to be, I am still at home. Why? Because tomorrow is Monday, and that is when I have to go to work again.

Damn you. I really wanted to party it up ninja-style. I don't exactly know what that means, but you can bet your ass that it's effing HARDCORE.

Almost as hardcore as it would have been if I had listened to the advice of a co-worker and told one of the dudes in sales that I was going to "punch him in the fucking throat" in response to being made fun of for blogging at work.

It was actually pretty funny. Funny for the following reasons:

a) When sales-dude was making fun of me, he made the typey fingers whenever he said the word "blogging".
b) I was actually given a tutorial on how to deliver the line "I'll punch you in the fucking throat." It included lessons on making menacing scruched up angry faces, and fist shaking.
c) The fact that everytime I tried to follow directions and make the faces and fist and the swearing, I got totally laughed at.
d) I'm starting to think that maybe the laughing at me was the whole point of the above exercize.

DAMN YOU!!!

That just gave me an excellent idea. I'm going to propose that all our Monday morning meetings have themes. Tomorrow can be ninja-style. This is going to be awesome to the max times infinity!

Sometimes I even blow my OWN mind. Holy crap.

Why is there not a lineup of people at my door right now trying to get inside my fucking head?? I tell you, things are happening in there. Things are HAPPENING.

One more thing. Upstairs where my landlords live is cute city. They have a puppy AND a baby. Today I decided that I would like to make them a sign for their door. Here is what it would say:

"Welcome to Cute City. We have a puppy AND a baby. Jealous much?"

Then people will read it and say out loud, "Ummm... only about 97%!"

See you tomorrow for NINJA MONDAY!!!!

Loooooong.

This just in...

The 30 minutes that span the gap between 4 and 4:30pm on Friday afternoons are ridiculously long.

I'm just saying.

So I blog at work.

BIG DEAL!!!

So now everyone in the world knows that on occasion I blog from work. (Thanks for that, ANGUS!) All I can say is you better not get me in trouble for this, brats! It's okay though. I happen to know that certain individuals spend more time than they are supposed to watching Brokeback Mountain parodies on the interweb of lies. Not that I am mentioning any names. (See above.) *ahem* I also thought you should know that while it sounds like there is a lot of our time spent "unproductively", I will say that this blogging and internetting takes place on lunch breaks. Totally. No joke.

ANYWAYS, so something funny happened to me earlier. I was in the middle of doing something work-related (cause I'm at work... so I really do work all day... promise!) when I realised that I had been staring at my computer screen. Totally zoned out... probably for like a min. When I snapped out of it, the song that had been playing was the Pet Shop Boys "You Were Always on My Mind".

I suddenly had the most hilarious thought.

What if "You Were Always on My Mind" is like... my "Desperado"? My "Witchy Woman"? Will I stare off into space EVERY TIME I hear it? That would be so embarassing! Not because of the staring, but because of the Pet Shop Boys! That's weird.

I have been forced to admit that I actually do really love the Pet Shop Boys. They currently hold a much coveted spot on my mp3 player. Domino Dancing is a fantastic song. Really superb. Truly.

Notice how I said "mp3 player" instead of IPOD? That's because I'm not cool like say, Sheldon or the 11 year old kid that rides the same bus as me. (HE'S 11!! With an IPOD!!) Seriously, it's so 2002 it's not even funny. 2002 was kind of awesome though. I spent a lot of time drinking at the campus pub. That's pretty much what happens when you go to a "Polytechnic" school. Whatevs.

I'm hungry. I have been so hard at work up until this point that I have not had the time to eat. Blogging is my reward after much hard work.

We work hard and we play hard.

Coincidentally, much like the steel mill featured on the Simpsons, our office also turns into a disco after 4:30pm. There is much dancing. It's good times.



















Disco Stu doesn't advertise. So don't ask.



We always kick it off with "Everybody Dance Now!" by C&C Music Factory.



Jealous much? Thought so, bitches!

Dating well outside the age limits...

...would only happen for one man. George Clooney. He's 20 years older than me. Normally that would be kinda gross. In his case, it's kinda HOT. I just watched him on the Barbara Walters Special. He is a total fox.

He is also a total smartass. As am I. Which is why we would be perfect for each other.

Yo, Clooney. Call me.

I'll be a smartass.

You will love it.

We will never get married and live happily ever after.

I will also partake in the mockery of Brad Pitt for sport, as you appear to enjoy that.

I am out of clever things to say.

Good Night.

(and good luck!) *zing!*

PS: Flirting with George Clooney would be intense. INTENSE. We would both be incredibly witty and throw mild insults at each other. It could go on for days. So hot. SO HOT!

Opera effing kills it.

That's OPERA fools, not OPRAH. I got O Mio Babino Caro stuck in my head after watching Malcolm in the Middle. I never thought that would ever happen. Dewey wrote an opera. It was magical. You wish you saw it. Jealous much? HA!