In preparation for a potential bout of unemployment in two months, I have decided to increase my value in the "marketable skills" department. So I am reading a book that (in theory) will help me do so. This wondrous work of non-fiction is supposed to teach me how to become an brilliant and effective writer.
Now if only I could get through a single chapter without being completely and utterly discombobulated. (That means confused. Did you know that? I bet you didn't. Now you do.)
I keep reading, hoping to pull some nuggets of wisdom and information that will allow me to sit down and create 30 seconds worth of magic... but it is not working.
In fact, I think it is a downright stupid book and I hate it. It is so annoying. I can barely stand it.
But for some reason, I keep reading it. And I think I know why.
Everyone in the office that sees me reading it is suddenly VERY impressed with me. They all LOVE it. They think it is the greatest book ever written... but that just makes me feel like a complete Neanderthal because I don't understand it.
Stupid Wizard of Ads. I hate you. (I mean really... I bet he just started calling himself that. Who does that???)
Unless you, kind reader, are in management at my company... in which case I was merely being facetious! Oh, how I do love to kid...
But seriously, I hate it. Can't somebody just HELP me become a good writer? JUST TELL ME HOW, GODDAMNIT!!!!
3 comments:
How to be a radio copywriter 101
Part 1
i before e doesn't mean nothin...cause who cares how you spell stuff. The listener never sees your script. So spell stuff how you want. It's more fun that way.
Part 2
Treat the stoopid commercial like a puzzle...ie., place the words of the information you are given in a specific order...make it into a scenario, or make sure it flows as a coherent message, then add some "come and get it" words.
Part 3
The Wizard of Ads is stupid. Try Dan O'Day instead.
Class dismissed.
Hooray! Now I am going to make a million dollars! (Or maybe just get dental insurance. Either one is cool.)
See, every once in awhile you do something nice for me and it makes me feel bad about saying mean things to you all the time.
But soon enough, 30 seconds passes and we are back to where we started.
THANKS, PLATYPUS!
The Wizard of ads apparently writes those really shitty Spence Diamonds ads!
That is the rumor that I have heard and am perpetuating!
Do you want the fucker who writes the ads that make you want to slit your wrists telling you what to do? DO YOU?
I recommend "Cutting Edge Advertising" as an entertaining and useful piece of reading. Also, I have heard "Hey Whipple Squeeze This" is very good. I have both. You can borrow them.
For the most part, Platypus is very right. Just stare at the page until you write good. Then cut out everything you can before it stops making sense.
If you can blog, you can write copy.
Warning: If you write copy you may not actually be very good at blogging though (see my blog for further evidence). Now you know.
AND KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE
PS: Kat Stewart was wrong. Clichés are seriously awesome.
-Dave
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