Pump up the jam, fool!

Guess what? It is Friday! On a long weekend! This is how happy I am about the situation:




I just did this exact dance in my office 5 mins ago. WOOOOOOOOOO!

The visual equivalent of caffeine.

After another late night of jazz (The Bad Plus played a sweet version of Bowie's "Life on Mars", woot!) I am WAY tired this morning. Here's a little something that that can perk up anybody. It's that awesome. Sing along if you know the words, kids!



I'm stuck in a basement, sittin' on a tricycle
Girl gettin' on my nerves
Goin' outta my mind, I thought she was fine
Don't know if her body is hers...

AHHHHHAHAHAHAHA! This will never get old. "Brefmints. Brefmints. Brefmints. Brefmints. BREFMINTS!!!"

Don't stop till you get enough.

Conversation I overheard at the bus stop between hilarious gay dude (HGD) and his lady friend (LF):

HGD: "OMG I can't wait to get my nose job!"
LF: "What? Why do you want to get a nose job?"
HGD: "BECAUSE... I don't like my nose."
LF: "Oh, come on!"
HGD: "Seriously. I already know what it will look like. I'm getting Michael Jackson's second nose."
LF: "MICHAEL JACKSON'S SECOND NOSE???"
HGD: "Yeah, it was totally cute."
LF: "So you're just going to go to the doctor and say 'I want Michael Jackson's second nose. Be careful. If you hit the third one, you've gone too far!'"

Amazing. I was dying a little on the inside trying to hold in the laughter.

Obrigado, Bebel.

Bom dia!

Last night I saw Bebel Gilberto at the Centre. She is the funniest, strangest little woman ever. She pranced around the stage in her boots and metallic minidress, rolled around on the floor Madonna style (circa 1984 MTV awards, Like A Virgin), and took sips of wine in between songs. They had this really funky chair in the middle of the stage on a platform, which she used to lounge around in while she sang. She's got a lovely voice, and when you are listening to her music it makes you feel like you are sitting in the sun and having a fantastically lazy day.

I especially loved her interaction with the audience... which was in hilariously cute randomized English. "When you break the ankle you break the leg AND the foot. Both! Help heal my leg, Vancouver. Chant with me. Give me your energy." This is where she led us in meditation chants... "OMMMMMMMMMMM. OMMMMMMMMMMM." "Come on, Vancouver. Imagine me jogging." So funny.

If you haven't heard her, here is a little taste. This song is in English, which I enjoy because I can't understand when she sings in Portuguese. If I hadn't returned those "Learn how to speak Brazilian Portuguese" tapes to the library 5 years ago, I probably WOULD understand. (Don't worry, Brie. I did return them. You don't have to turn me in to the library authorities!)

Friggin' transit.

This morning I had a breakfast meeting at 9am. The previously mentioned President of the Universe was going to be there, so I did NOT want to miss it. He's terribly charming and I kind of have a crush on him. I DIGRESS. So yeah, breakfast meeting! That meant free muffins and whatnot from Bread Garden. Woot. I left my house at a perfectly reasonable time, that would have normally had me arriving at work at exactly 8:30am.


BUT THAT TOTALLY DID NOT HAPPEN.


On my way to the bus stop, a bus drove past me just before I got to the corner to cross the street. This happens to me pretty much every morning, so I didn't think much of it. I got to the bus stop and waited. They usually come along every 5 mins, so I wasn't concerned. But then it was 10 mins later. And 15 mins later. At this point, there was quite the little lineup forming. Finally, after 20 mins there was a bus coming down the road. It drove right past us, because it was FULL. We all kind of groaned in collective annoyance. So then we waited some more. Another 10 mins goes by. But hark! Another bus! Also full. Totally drove past.

At this point I was debating with myself whether or not I should just give up, run home and hop in my car, or wait it out a little longer. Since I had already waited over half an hour, I decided to stick it out. I finally managed to cram onto a but at about 8:40am! I was totally late, but was hoping that I could still make it for 9am. The rest of the ride was relatively quick, so I felt okay about it.

Then when I got to my second bus stop, I waited for another 10 mins. I was pretty pissed off about being late, because I wanted to avoid having EVERYONE STARE AT YOU when you walk into a room late. Things were loving along pretty well down Cambie street... until suddenly at 10th ave, I heard this huge BANG!!!! and the whole bus lurched. People went flying forward and everyone was yelling. We all just kind of stood there, confused. The back door light went on, so instead of sticking around to see what the heck happened, I was all, "Bitches, I am LATE! Out of my way!" and I ran down the street.

I got to work, snuck in the super secret back way and got there just before the meeting started. I ate a delicious muffin and didn't miss a thing. *whew*

I really do love the environment, but EFF is transit ever annoying sometimes. Which is why I am totally selling out and driving my car downtown tonight. HA!

Zzzzzzzz.

I'm sitting in the Media Lounge at the jazz festival. I'm waiting. Waiting for something to happen. It's really very boring at the moment. You would think that this place would be brimming with attractive musician types... but not so much. Most of them are old men. Or men who do not speak English. Or old men who do not speak English.

There was one lovely boy who wandered in here to ask a question about where one might get some breakfast at 2 in the afternoon. Since I ALWAYS want to eat breakfast at 2 in the afternoon on weekends, I was kind of smitten. His sweet CBC t-shirt helped too.

Now all I can think of is what kind of food I'm going to eat. I really want some noodles and dumplings. Where might one find such culinary delights in this neighborhood? The internet will help me. Hey, awesome. There's only 3 and a half hours to go until I blow this popsicle stand. Woooooooooooo. *yawn*

The way I see it...

Dudes. This morning the quote on my starbucks cup was awesome!

"Playing in an independent rock band will eventually make you equal parts truck driver, gladiator and mule. Glamour is for those with trust funds." - Neko Case

Neko Case! On a Starbucks cup! That is crazy.

Proof that emotionally speaking, I never progressed past the age of 3.

I am nearly 26 years old. In the eyes of the government, that makes me an adult! But the fact that I can't stop singing this song in my head proves that the government has erroneously awarded me the title of adult.

The fact that I actually enjoy singing this song proves that I am unlikely to ever take a husband.




What can I say? I am a sucker for a clever pun. "It's so a-PEEL-ing..." That's gold, Jerry. GOLD!

Cruisin' for some boozin'.

Hey it is almost noon. What a lame regular Tuesday afternoon this is... NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm outta here! I'm going on a booze cruise!

Our boat is called the SS Minnow... anybody heard of it?

Time to get my drink on!

It's not a habit...

So maybe over the last month my coffee intake has grown exponentially from one a week to like... 3 or 4... or 5 a week. So maybe I like it. So maybe I always want to drink it. It is not because I am addicted... it is because I like the taste, okay? OKAY???

I've been really careful about limiting how much coffee I drink, because I'm afraid of getting addicted. I need to get back to the days when I drank decaf tea or green tea and only used my lattes as a once a week treat or for dire emergencies!

I think I'm going to be okay. I have to be... otherwise this is my future:



It's just so sad...

Because sometimes you just miss the '90's real bad...

I don't know why, but I love this damn song. So much. It is one of those songs that you never hear, but when you do it is SO EXCITING and so you yell, "YEEEEAH! I LOVE THIS SONG!" and then you sing the parts you know, which is usually only the chorus.

A good portion of my morning was made up of me singing, "Girl, you've got to rohh-ohhh-olllll..."

I love it.

So you think you can dance, jokey jokerson?

Okay, so last night I totally fell into the summer tv trap. It all started innocently enough... I am a sucker for some killer choreography, so I started watching So You Think You Can Dance. It was the first stage episode where they dance with partners... and it was FRIGGIN' GOOD! These kids are INSANE. There were some really killer routines in there. It made me feel like I really need to get my butt on down to Harbour Dance and take a hip hop class or something. I've got rhythm... I swear! Just give me some choreography to work with and I will blow your damn mind!

THEN... I was flipping through the channels and happened upon the Montreal auditions for Last Comic Standing. Apparently every single comic who has ever appeared on that Muchmusic show where they make catty comments about old music videos auditioned this year. I was surprised when I found myself LAUGHING MY FACE OFF. We have some really funny people living up here. Did you know that? I did. Because I am one of them, bitches! HIYO!

So ANYWAYS, there was this one guy who made me laugh so hard my tummy hurt. He calls himself Mel Silverback. He has a little bit of a shtick. Basically, his thing is that he dresses up as a gorilla wearing a brow tuxedo, kickin it 1972 stylz. Holy frig. He came out on stage and I thought, "Oh GOD. This is going to be lame." The first thing he said was "Hi my name is Mel Silverback. I'm originally from Africa, now living in Canada." So damn funny. It was pretty awesome. I found this clip of some of the Montreal stuff on YouTube... watch for the gorilla! Also check out Debra DiGiovanni. She's hilarious.



I love you, TV.

Wakey wakey eggs and bakey!

It is possible that if there was indeed the possibility for eggs and bacon for me this morning, I would be a heck of a lot more chipper. But there is NO delicious breakfast in my near future, so I am one tired duck right now.

This morning while I was eating my bagel I made the decision to go coffee and cola free today, in an effort to get myself to the point of utter exhaustion so that I might sleep normally once again. I so miss the days of being in bed by 10pm. Now I don't seem to get tired until midnight. This is some crazy business. I am losing out on nearly 2 hours of sleep EVERY NIGHT! That adds up, people!

If I don't perk up soon I might have to cave. BUT... rest assured, if I do it will be in the name of science! I'll order a decaf coffee and see if the placebo effect kicks in. Though it won't REALLY be the placebo effect if I know that there is no caffeine in it. Whatevs. It is science!

Why for so tired, are you?

I had a great deal of trouble getting to sleep last night. When I was finally feeling tired enough to actually go to bed it was around midnight. This is pretty weird business, since up until about 2 weeks ago I was in bed by 10 every night cause I couldn't stay up any later than that.

But now I seem to stay up later and later every night. It sucks. I'm really just not getting enough sleep right now. (I blame the extended hours of daylight!)

ANYWAYS, last night around midnight I was just about to drift off to sleep... when my landlords apparently decided to do some work on the ongoing renovations of THEIR part of the house. I swear to god it sounded like he was sanding the dang floors. At midnight. On a Sunday. So there was the awful scraping noise which would go one for a bit, followed by loud clomping footsteps going baaaaaack and forth a few times, followed by more scraping noises. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Then it combined with kitchen noises for a short bit before I finally passed out. I would imagine this was some time around the 12:30 - 1:00am window. Then I woke up at 7am. Now I am sitting at my desk, wayyyyy tired and debating the merits of coffee. To caffeinate or not to caffeinate? I can't decide if this will make my situation worse or not. But holy crap would it taste delicious.

Sigh.

These staycations must really be getting to me...

I think I'm running on Beijing time, because it is after 11pm and I am still wiiiiiiiiiide awake.

This is so not cool.

Every Little Thing She Does is Magic *

Okay, so I totally just whined about not eating breakfast due to being unable to dress my damn self... but I am not sorry that happened anymore.

The reason I am no longer upset about it is because I went across the street to the deli and got a bagel with cream cheese. They toasted it in this panini grill thingy and it got all flat and squishy... and you know what THAT means... more surface area for cream cheese! Woot!

The cream cheese got all warm and gooey and I ate it like a sandwich. It was so friggin good. How have I not been eating this every goddamn day for the past 20 years? But seriously... this panini grill technique is revolutionary! I even wrote a haiku about it:

*ahem*
bagel with cream cheese:
squished by grill for paninis
you unsquished my soul

















Oh, I know. HAHAHA! This is what will happen the next time I go get a bagel.


In the game of life, the deli across the street just got 15 million points for cream cheese bagels. They are totally the winners right now.

* I'm pretty sure that the "she" refers to a cream cheese bagel.

Canada's Next Top Indecisive Little Twit

This morning I was late getting out of the house because I couldn't decide what to wear. 7 outfits later and I wore the first thing I tried on. Then I discovered that I had forgotten to do my dishes from the night before... and frantically tried to wash some of them... but got only a few done before I looked at my watch and ran out the door.

I am wearing no makeup, haven't eaten breakfast, am not totally satisfied with my outfit and probably have questionable hair.

I think I'm going to have to start picking out my outfits a week in advance.

Do the math!

Since Wednesday, I have been seriously trying to figure out a way for me to be able to see the Police again. Whenever I am not busy doing something, this is what I think about. How can I make it happen? Gah!

Then yesterday, my mom brought up the subject of going to New York this year because my neighbor was telling her about how awesome it is. We had tossed the idea around before, but kind of abandoned it when my sister and I determined that we couldn't really afford it. The neighbor is determined for us all to go, so he said he was going to watch for cheap tickets! I got really excited about the possibility of going... and became even more excited when I realized that if we wait until the end of October to go, my sister will be old enough to drink in the US, which was making her really whiny before, AND we could go see the Police play at Madison Square Garden!!!!

This is the best idea I've had in years! Too bad it will never happen. *sigh* Stupid cost of living. If I didn't have to pay for food or rent I could totally afford it. Grrrrrr.

If you ask me about this tomorrow, I will deny everything.

I am relatively unemotional, with the exception of anger, rage, bitterness and happy-ish. I'm not a big crier... I rarely cry at movies and not even really at funerals. I have had people describe me as being emotionally "dead inside". One time I told Amanda that I possibly felt sorry for someone and she replied by asking me if I even had the sympathy gene. It's true, I don't really have that. I take pride in this. I am not a fricking baby.

So would someone please explain to me why I spent Friday night alone at home sitting on the couch and getting all teary eyed whilst watching Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit????

Fucking hormones.