There goes THAT idea...

Well, I was considering going out today... perhaps downtown to try and find those super hot True Religion jeans that were hardcore on sale. Cause I want them. But then I discovered this here Gossip Girl MARATHON on TV... so... the chances of me running off to find a deal are greatly decreased.

Seriously. Chuck Bass is kinda hot. Even more so now that I know that he's British in real life. *swoon* But he's like, 21.

Dang, yo.

Staycation time.

So. Here I am... on vacation! If the heat were ever on up in this bitch I would put on some steel drum music and pretend like I was in the Caribbean... just like my grandma did that one time. (It was HILARIOUS.) But alas, it is goddamn freezing in here so that just is not going to happen.

It is day 2 of my at home vacation, and so far I have managed to fill my time. Yesterday I went shopping with my sister, and today I slept in late and then wandered around downtown for awhile. I got some things accomplished, which was nice. But here's the thing. Now I have no idea what the heck I'm going to do for the rest of the week.

So, how 'bout it buddies? Do any of you kids ever find yourselves at home during the day in the middle of the week? If so, what do you do to pass the time? Do you go out every day? Where do you go? Help me out here, kids.

I don't want to get bored on my awesome vacation!

Step 1? We can have lots of fun... *If you know what I mean*

So. I got free tickets to NKOTB. Jess came with me. It was friggin' AWESOME.

It was pretty much exactly as I remembered it from Grade 4... they were dancing like nobody's business, and the whole time I was thinking about how awesome it would be if I were married to one of them. Preferably Jordan.

The only differences being that a) I was mildly intoxicated, and b) my concept of what goes on in a marriage is slightly different.

ANYWAYS... watch this. And replace these two dudes with me. With a beer in my hand. Voila! You have a mind-video of what I looked like at this show. Totally used the same moves, but was not wearing a vest or sunglasses.



Oh, I *know* that the time is right. HUH! (Please note that Jess and I waited the whole song for the part where we could re-enact the part where Jordan plays the fake violin from the music video.)

Sharif don't like it.

He really, really hates it! So do I!

I'm talking about Christmas music, of course.

Yesterday when I was out doing a little bit of shopping, I heard it. It was enough to make me stop dead in my tracks.

"Am I REALLY hearing this right now? WTF day is it? CRAP!"

Seriously, though. IT IS NOVEMBER, PEOPLE! NO-FREAKING-VEMBER!

It would appear as though my holiday-induced nervous breakdown may be arriving a little earlier than scheduled this year. Awesome!

I'm even socially awkward in my dreams.

Right before I woke up this morning I had a funny dream. The reason it was so funny is because it is entirely possible that it could happen in real life... and if it ever DID happen in real life it would probably play out exactly the same way. Because I apparently don't know how to talk to people. HAHA AWESOME!

In my dream, I was in this weird corner store on Main Street. (Oddly specific... I know.) I looked up and saw someone who looked really familiar to me. After staring at said individual for a bit I finally figured out who it was. It was a person that I had not actually met before, but had seen pictures and know from a mutual friend and Internet contact. The person then looked over and saw me. There was this weird "Hey, do I know you?" moment. So I decided to say something.

"Hey, are you ____?"

"Yeah... wait. Are you Sarah?"

"Yeah. Isn't this weird? Cause we've never actually met before. But it feels like maybe we have?"

"It is weird. How's it going?"

"Ummmm... good. You?"

"Good. Yeah..."

"Yeah."

*awkward silence*

"Well, ummm... it was nice to finally meet you. But, I've gotta get going. See you around! Say hi to ____ for me."

"Yeah, I will. Bye!"

Then I walked out of the store feeling like I was about to have a heart attack and feeling sure that this person was going to be all, "Oh, I met Sarah. She's SO WEIRD." And then I would have a lot of work ahead of me to prove that I am not a complete and total moron. Which would be really hard to prove, because I sort of AM a complete and total moron.

But if this ever were to actually happen, that is probably EXACTLY how it would play out. Because I have serious anxiety about situations like that. If I actually were to encounter this scenario, "hilarious and charming via the written word" me would high tail it out of there and would leave "nervous about unfamiliar social situations" me alone to fend for myself. Yay!

I am now really freaked out that this could really happen. I would much prefer to meet this person via proper introduction, because I would be far less likely to make a complete ass of myself if the friend is there as the buffer.

And just for fun... can anybody guess who this mystery person is?

Yo! What's the Haps? ... DOT COM!

Yes, kids. You read it right. I'm totally a DOT COM now!

WHOA. THAT IS CRAZY.

I hope this means I will get to hang out with Grizz now. You know, cause I'm a DOT COM.

Niiiiiiiice.

So, you want to hear something crazy? Apparently, when Tina Fey says something on 30 Rock, that means several people google it the next day. In this particular instance she said "What's the haps?" and then my blog traffic tripled in one day. AWESOMENESS.

They will probably never come back here, but WHATEVS. Thanks, Tina Fey! (I like your glasses. I too wear glasses. Please be my friend?)

Three.

Three years ago today, I started my job.

I have been working at the same place for three years.

I. Have been working. Here. For three years.

I do make more money than I did when I started.

I do sort of have more responsibilities that I did when I started.

But I don't get to write. Meh.

However, I have had the pleasure of working with some of the most awesome and hilarious people around, so I can't complain.

GUESS I WILL JUST HAVE TO KEEP BLOGGING, HUH?

The real night court is totally different. The hookers aren't funny...

OMG YOU GUYS! DID YOU TOTALLY WATCH 30 ROCK TONIGHT? DID YOU TOTALLY SEE ME GET MENTIONED ON TV EXCEPT NOT REALLY?

Allow me to explain. In one particular scene in tonight's episode, Liz Lemon and Jen Aniston were chatting. In this one part, two blogs were name-checked! (Except not really.) It went something like this:

Liz: "(blah blah blah) (Yo!) What's the haps?"

Jen: "(blah blah blah) Tentative plans... (blah blah blah)."

And then Lydia and I were all, "WHOA DUDE! THAT IS CRAZY!" Because it kind of was.

So now I will sit and wait for the phone call from Tina Fey, where she will tell me how awesome and HILARIOUS I am... and that is exactly why I should consider a move to the NYC so I can come and write for her show.

I have a feeling I will be waiting for awhile... I should probably pop round to the store and pick up some snacks.

The long walk home.

The day after Obama won, allib twittered the following:

"Made a little pact w/ myself: if Obama won, I'd do 100 days in a row of yoga. (If McCain won, it was going to be something far different.) "

Upon reading that, I was kind of inspired. So I decided to walk halfway home from work that day. And the next day. And the next. (I only walk halfway home because it is always raining. And I have been carrying groceries like 3 of those times.) So ANYWAYS, what I am saying is that every day since Nov 5th, I have walked more than I normally would have otherwise. Just because watching Obama win was so inspiring and seeing him makes me want to be a better person, be that physically, emotionally or spiritually. So for now, I walk. I'm thinking eventually yoga will be added in. Perhaps followed by being nice to people every once in awhile.

Normally when I walk home (or take the bus, for that matter) I have my iPod on. However, due to my current ear issues I haven't been able to use my headphones. So instead of listening to music, I think about strange and exciting things. I dream up stories that I promptly forget about upon my arrival at home. But today, I didn't make up stories. Today, I tackled the issues.

I was reading this thing about how the new Jennifer Aniston Vogue cover is practically THE SAME as the last Angelina Jolie Vogue cover. CONTROVERSIAL! It got me to thinking... in the Jen vs Angie battle, who is winning?

Let's see.

Angie gets Brad. Jen gets John Mayer and whoever is hanging around the pool that day. 1 POINT JOLIE.

Angie has like 20 kids and travels the world to hang out with poor people. Jen has no kids and therefore gets to do whatever the heck she wants. 1 POINT ANISTON.

Everyone knows that Angie at more than one point in her life has been a total friggin whackjob. Jen is just so lovely and normal. 1 POINT ANISTON.

Ummm... Angie is a homewrecker? 1 POINT ANISTON.

So yeah. I'm calling this one for Aniston. Mostly because I feel the Jolie-Pitts are too showboaty. I mean, really. It IS possible to be good looking, happy and successful without always frigging TALKING ABOUT IT.

So I guess this is what happens when you get inspired by Barack Obama and then get an ear infection. Awesome, huh?

Think, think, think!

I've got to figure out a way to work the phrase, "Suck on it, Trebek!" into conversation more often. I almost NEVER get to say it.




Maybe for today I can refer to my ears as "Trebek". Cause I'm about ready to tell them to SUCK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blurg.

Want to know what it's like to be me?

All you gotta do is stick your head under water for 3 days, then you would know how I feel right now.

Sweet. I gotta go. It's time for my nasal spray.

I could fall over at any moment, really.

Guess where I went today? To see the doctor! I KNOW, RIGHT??? It's so crazy. I never go there. So you know if I am willing to make a trip to see one, it is for a good reason.

For the past 2 days my ears have been wonky. They are all plugged up and I can't hear very well. BOOOOOOOOOOO! As it turns out, I totally have swollen eustachian tubes and a mild ear infection. Awesome, hey? Wooooooooo!

It sounds and feels like my head is underwater. It's pretty uncomfortable. Here's hoping it goes away soon.

The only good part about it is that I totally made the doctor laugh. I have this thing about doctors... when I am at the doctor I just HAVE to try to make them laugh. I just feel as though making a doctor laugh is a true test of my comedic abilities. Proving to myself that I am still CRAZY HILARIOUS makes being sick a little more bearable.

Like a bee, except I won't sting you. Stabbing is more likely.

Every once in awhile I will have a run of days where it seems like I have so much crap to do, and not enough time to do it. It's mostly when I have to be out and about during the week and therefore only spend time at home to sleep. You know, like wake up, go to work, go to stuff after work, come home, go to sleep, REPEAT. When that happens I get way whiny about it because this usually causes me to sleep less than I need to. I can be a bit of a whiner when I gets all sleepy-like.

So I'll be whining to myself about being SO TIRED and SO BUSY and SO GRUMPY and then I will remember something. I'll remember how I spent my first 3 years in college working 40 hours a week (at night and on weekends) while attending classes full time during the day. And I'll remember that in my 2 years of getting my diploma that I would often leave for school at 7am and would not get home until 11 or 12 at night. THAT was busy. I can't even imagine doing that shit now. That's probably because I'm old. When the fuck did THAT happen, yo?

Seriously. When did I get old? When did I start losing sleep because I was worried about the economy? When did I start using recipes? When did I stop being able to drink massive amounts of tequila without vomiting after?

Probably right around the time when I went for a jog and injured my hip. (True story. I think I was like, 24. I hobbled around for 2 days afterwards. It was embarrassing.) OH WELL.


Hey, if I leave work now I can still catch the early bird special...

Swoon.

(via Fussy)

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about. Damn.

The happiest nerd in town.

Last night Brie and I went to watch the election with some real actual Americans! It was one of the most wonderful experiences I have ever had. I'm not just saying that because I'm such a hardcore election nerd. I'm saying that because I am such a hardcore nerd for HUMAN BEINGS. I think this was a huge moment, not just for Americans, but for people in general. It is a moment that I will probably remember for the rest of my life, and I'm so glad I got to share it with people who were just as excited about it as I was.

I came home, spent way too long trying to catch up on all the Twitter action, danced around in my leggings and a t-shirt, and just sat there for awhile, smiling. Just before I went to bed, I took a look through my archives and found something kind of incredible. It will help to illustrate how excited I am about PRESIDENT OBAMA (!!!!!) and why. As it turns out, almost exactly 2 years ago after watching Bobby (the movie about Bobby Kennedy) I mentioned that after watching the movie, I immediately thought of Barack Obama as president. He won me over in 2004, and has only made me love him more since then.




















FINALLY!!!!!!!!!! (photo from Brie's Flickr.)

The best part about last night was before I went to bed, I rummaged through my closet and pulled out my old Fat Wreck Chords shirt. The one with Bush's face on it that says "NOT MY PRESIDENT". I put it on and wore it to bed. It felt great.

Oh, Internet!

Being that I am a hardcore election nerd, I decided that it would be appropriate to post some sort of election-related video. So I got to thinking. What song would be appropriate for this day? I shall now explain my journey to you.

Right away I thought, "HELLO. BOB DYLAN, OBVS!" But there are SO MANY awesome Dylan songs that I had trouble deciding. Then I thought maybe Sam Cooke? But I thought that was too obvious.

After a conversation with Dave, (who talked about how whether or not he agrees with people, he wants those people to have the freedom to make their own choices... which makes him AWESOME) I thought, "Hey! Freedom!" But that didn't have any options for embedding the video. Then I looked down at the related videos, and saw this awesome commercial for an 80's compilation called Freedom Rock. Which is 100% HILARIOUS. Because it led me to this song...



... which really has very little to do with freedom OR rock. Or voting. But it makes me laugh. So it's got that going for it, which is nice.

ANYWAYS... after thinking about it for awhile, I finally thought of the perfect song to sum up my feelings for today.



Oh the ant WILL move the motherfucking rubber tree plant, alright! Because we have
HOPE(s). High ones.

Huh.

This is probably one of the saddest things I've heard in awhile.

Barack Obama's grandmother died today. TODAY.

Can you believe that? The day before the election... life is a strange thing indeed.