Goodbye, 2009.

This year was really difficult for me. I spent far too much of my time feeling stressed, upset, sick, tired, worried, angry, unsure of myself. I'm not sorry to see it go.

But even with all the bad things, there were some great things. Friends got married, there were babies, people went on exciting trips, I helped people, people helped me, I made new friends, I missed old ones, I danced, and I laughed. HOLY SHIT, DID I DO A LOT OF LAUGHING.

My world has changed a lot in the past year, and I spent a lot of time being afraid of that. I guess I just wasn't ready for it. But I'm ready now. Let's do this, 2010. I'm bringing my A-game. BOOSH.

Changes.

Christmas is going to be so very different this year. I come from a gigantic family. My Dad has 4 siblings and my Mom has 6. When I was growing up, Christmas dinner meant 25 people MINIMUM. I'm used to crowding around a big table with barely any elbow room, hearing 17 different conversations going on at the same time, laughter coming from every room in the house. But this year is going to be different.

My brother and sister aren't coming over for Christmas Eve. It's just my parents and I. They're coming late in the morning on Christmas Day. My nephew won't be at Christmas dinner. There will only be 8 of us this year. It's so WEIRD.

I guess we're all older now, so things are changing. That doesn't mean I have to like it. Meh.
Or HUMBUG, I suppose.

Lazy Sunday

I've been sitting around all day, doing nothing. I managed to make myself some food and got myself showered, but that's about it. I can think of a million things I could be or should be doing, but I'm not doing them.

Housework? Meh.

MOAR PLZ.

2 minutes ago I was working on something, when "Little Red Corvette" came on the radio. I stopped what I was doing and just sat and listened to it for a bit. I just sat there and thought about how much I fucking LOVE Prince. It made me so happy, just thinking about how great he is.

I REALLY LOVE HIM.

Next time you have one of those, "I LOVE THIS SONG!" moments, I suggest you stop for a moment and think about WHY you love it and HOW MUCH you love it. You don't have to do it, but it's pretty great when you do. It will make you smile.

SERIOUSLY, THOUGH. I FUCKING LOVE PRINCE.

BRRRRRRRRRR.

HOLY MOTHERLOVIN CRAP IT IS COLD OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW.

I know. I'm a total west coast baby when it comes to winter weather. We do get pretty spoiled over here in Vancouver. But seriously. Minus 5 is friggin COLD to this kid.

If I ever have to move back east, I am so effed.

SQUEE!

This day started out all wrong. It seemed to steadily get worse. It was pulling me down with it, into a pit of despair. There was a moment when I was sitting at my desk, where I decided that I wasn't going stress out anymore. I was going to snap the fuck out of it. So I tried a little relaxation technique. It took about 4 minutes to do and afterwards I already felt a little bit better.

Slowly, as the afternoon progressed, I began to feel lighter. Tiny things were making me smile. I was cheering up. By the time I headed home, I was actually smiling as I walked down the street. A firefighter said hello to me. I had a bounce in my step. I walked up the front steps to check the mail. MY BOOTS FROM J. CREW HAD ARRIVED!!!!!!!!!

I have been downright giddy since then. THEY ARE THE PRETTIEST BOOTS EVER IN TIME. I FEEL MAGICAL WHEN I WEAR THEM. I HAVEN'T TAKE THEM OFF SINCE I GOT HOME. I WORE THEM OUT WHEN I WENT TO GET MY BANGS TRIMMED.

I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW.

Hence the caps lock.

I think I may have just learned a lesson today, friends. I don't have to commit to being a grumpy miserable jerk just because things start out that way. I can turn it around if I want to.

HA! IN YOUR FACE, NABLOPOMO!

So. I thought I had buggered it up, but I kept going anyways. But then I realized that I had in fact posted twice in one day, therefore giving me a grand total of 30 blog posts in 30 days. So I'm calling this a win. A WIN!

Yay me!

The idea here was to make it a habit to remember to post here every once in awhile. I hope I can manage to do just that.

Also, it is December today. WHAT THE CRAP? Weird, right? I suppose I should probably start shopping and whatnot. OOPS.

Goodbye, old friend.

I got a text from my friend early this morning. Her dog had passed away last night. She thanked me for being a friend to her little dog and said that she was planning a funeral for him.

I spent lots of time with that little guy. He hated bicycles and would bark his face off at every passing cyclist. We would get kind of embarrassed by his freak outs, so we would tell people that he was just thanking them rather enthusiastically for being so kind to the environment. It was hilarious.

I'll admit, I thought it was a bit strange at first, when I read that she was planning a funeral for a dog. But then I remembered what it was like when my dog Ebony died. I was in college and was home alone, enjoying my first day of my month-long Christmas vacation. I was wrapping presents in the den when she came walking in. She whimpered, and I looked up at her. She looked at me with big, scared eyes and started wheezing. I grabbed her face and asked her if she was okay, as if she was going to be able to answer me. She started to wobble, so I grabbed her body in a hug. She collapsed in my arms. I panicked and ran around the house, looking for the phone. I needed to call the vet. I couldn't find it.

Ebony came wandering into the living room behind me. She suddenly seemed fine. I started to calm down. But then it happened again. She tried to get up and walk to me, but she couldn't stand. She was too heavy for me to carry her all by myself. I found the phone and called the vet. They told me to bring her in right away. I didn't have a car. I ran to the house across the street for help. They came over and helped me pick her up and drove us to the vet. They rushed her inside. 5 minutes later, they took me into a room and told me that she had died. I managed to make it out to the waiting room before I started sobbing.

I cried when I called my Mom at work to tell her. I cried when I called my Dad. I cried while I sat on the sofa waiting for them to come home. It was probably one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. I cried harder for that dog than I had ever cried for any person I had known in my whole life.

But she was a dog, so we didn't have a funeral for her. It seems weird that we didn't, considering that she was such a huge part of our lives. When you think about it that way, it doesn't seem so strange to pamper them in the way that we do. We do it because we love them. Because they are offer us what no one else can. Absolutely unconditional love.

Goodbye, old friend. We'll miss you.

Too much.

I think I have too much stuff.

About two or three times a year I go through my closet and get rid of a bunch of things I don't wear and don't need anymore. It's a pain in the butt to go through everything and I end up creating a huge mess in the process, but when it's finally done it feels pretty great. I'm left with a better organized space and it feels kind of great to get rid of things I don't absolutely love.

But that's only clothes. I still manage to accumulate piles and piles of random things. Things that people give me, and therefore don't want to throw away. Things that I feel some sort of weird emotional attachment to for no apparent reason. These things are harder to get rid of. I'm not sure why.

For clothes, I have rules that I follow in the purging process. If I haven't worn it in a year, it goes. If I have never EVER worn it, it goes. If it doesn't fit right, it goes. But I don't have rules like this to apply to my other things. It's just... stuff. What are the rules for getting rid of random stuff? How do I figure out what to keep and what not to keep?

Going, going, going, going...

ALL DAY LONG. Going here and there and everywhere. In the pouring rain. Walking, walking, talking, talking, more walking. Wandering around, not knowing what you want. Seeing things but not wanting any of it. Wandering, wandering. Wanting to sleep. It's so dark out. It's so early.

Goodnight.

Things I learned this week.

I learned that I'm getting older. Consequently, so is my body.

Maybe I shouldn't participate in what I called "lo-fi acrobatics". (There's a reason they told you never to jump on the bed. You really can hurt yourself.) Maybe I shouldn't stay out until 1am in the middle of the week. Maybe I can't just eat whatever I want. Because I'll get hurt, I'll get tired and I'll get fat.

But my spirit isn't getting older, so fuck that shit. If you need me, I'll be over here jumping on the bed at midnight on a Tuesday whilst eating cookies. Then I'm going to fall asleep in my pillow fort. SO SUCK ON THAT, 28 YEAR OLD BODY.

A post is a post!

I am VERY tired, after staying out way too late at the Hidden Cameras show. WOOOOO! ACTING MY AGE!!!!

Anyway, I thought I would mention to you lovely people that I have some Google Wave invites. Want one? You can have one! Either leave me your email address in the comments, or send me an email and tell me you want one. Happy waving and whatnot!

Going out.

I'm going out. Tonight. On a school night. To a show. That starts at 9:30. In the PM. That's my bed time. Concert organizers are jerks.

Whoa.

FACT: Competition chili has NO BEANS in it.

Beans qualify as filler, and there must be NO FILLER in competition chili.

I discovered this today, at a chili lunch fundraiser thingy at work. It was weird, because I had never encountered chili without beans before. In fact, when I make chili, I put TWO kinds of beans in it. So, if there are no beans in competition chili, what is in there?

Meat. 7 different kinds of meat. Also, some onions and like, red peppers or something. But mainly meat.

In a related story, I think I'm dying. From too much meat. Ohhhhhhhhhh.

AWWW CRAP.

So I had written a little thing for yesterday and I saved it as a draft and FORGOT TO PUBLISH IT. So I suppose this means that I have officially buggered up NaBloPoMo? SHIT!

I will probably post it later anyways. Using some sort of trickery. MUAHAHAHAHA!

Today I woke up feeling under the weather. Normally when I feel like that, I just push on and go to work anyways. But today I decided to listen to my body and so I stayed home. I'm all achey and headachey and blah. I think I just need to relax and sleep and drink tea. So that is what I will do.

THUG LIFE, BITCHES.

I fell into the trap.

I am not a huge fan of the Christmas thing. I find the whole lead up to the day to be very stressful. Everything is hurried, you rush everywhere, you worry about finding the exact right gifts for everyone, you can't find what you are looking for, there are people everywhere ALL THE TIME. It is not a fun time for nervous girls like me.

I normally try to hold off as long as possible on getting into it. I've always thought that I need to hold off until December 1st. It just seems downright silly to start thinking about it until then. But this year, I caved.

Yesterday, I bought eggnog. I KNOW, RIGHT? But here's the thing. It is ORGANIC. I'd never seen organic eggnog before. I picked it up to look at it, and found myself imagining drinking a homemade eggnog latte at breakfast. That was it. I was SOLD.

I made the latte this morning and OH MY GOD. It was divine. The most delicious coffee ever in time. I don't even care about being sucked into liking this Christmas stuff. It's totally worth it.

YUMMMMMMMMMMMMS.

For crying out loud.

I tend to write and joke a lot about crying. The truth is, I don't actually cry all that often. Sure, I often feel like I want to or am going to cry, but I don't really actually do it. Every so often, though, it does happen. And when it does, boy does it ever happen.

Yesterday was one of those days.

I felt it stirring up inside me right before I left work. It was about something that most people would think to be stupid. A non-issue. But I had been slowly getting worked up over it for two days. I could feel the tears coming as I walked down the street to the train station, but I shoved them back down. I felt them rise up into my throat again as I stood under my umbrella in the pouring rain, waiting for the bus. I managed to fight them off again. As I walked closer to my house, they came back. This time they were stronger. After checking the mail and finding nothing there to lift my spirits, it started to spill out. My eyes welled up and I ran down the steps and around to my door. I barely managed to get the door shut behind me before I was full on SOBBING.

It lasted for about 10 minutes. A good, hard, gasping for air, UGLY cry. Then it just stopped. So I took a picture of my tear-stained face and saved it away for later. It was a weird thing to do. But I just felt like I needed to do it. Not two minutes later, my phone rang. It was my Mom. I swear, the woman has radar. She always knows when to call. I talked to her for awhile, made some dinner and then went to bed. I slept for ages.

I woke up this morning, and pulled up the crying photo. I burst out laughing at the sight of my sad little face. It was so silly and kind of adorable. So I guess it wasn't such a weird thing to do after all.

I've been smiling ever since.

One small thing.

One small thing can turn into a much bigger thing, if you let it.

I let it.

I got really worked up about a grammatical error in an email. It made me so mad. It was completely irrational. Getting so annoyed about this one thing caused me to get annoyed about several other situations, probably just because I had decided to bathe in this negative energy I had been collecting.

So when the other small problems popped up, I was ill equipped to handle them and allowed those to be a bigger deal than they should have been.

And now I'm sitting here, all tensed up, on the verge of a headache and feeling like I might throw up.

I need to learn how to not care so much about the stupid things. It would be so much more pleasant to be able to live like that. *insert smiley face here*

I got the (social) skills to pay the bills.

Okay. So, Facebook. It's kind of annoying, right? And maybe sometimes you're like, "I am so going to quit this shit. YESTERDAY." But you don't, because you sort of feel like you need it to communicate with people. But you keep thinking that it's kind of stupid.

But then, one day someone awesome sends you a friend request. You get really excited. You feel super important. Mostly because you never get friend requests. So you talk about it a little in a public forum. People see it. Then you get more friend requests. And more. And even more. Eleven, to be exact.

Eleven. In one day. And you feel awesome about it, because eleven people think you are cool enough to be their friend.

I think this pretty much makes up for the entire 5 years of high school.

Internet, I love you.

The Internet is a wonderful place. It is full of awesome things made by awesome people. It is also full of crap made by jerks. But mostly awesome stuff.

It is where I have found people that like the same things I like, hate the same things I hate, get excited about the same things I get excited about, get annoyed by the same things I get annoyed by.

It is also where I find recipes and instructions for folding origami creatures. So, you know. Awesome.

My horoscope for today.

A much larger wave of emotion than you had expected washes over you, and you should find that your friends and family are there to support you -- though almost certainly not in the way you expect.

So it sounds like that's going to be pretty fun.

America!

I went to America today. It was great. Though I was pretty bummed out about not finding any clothes at Target (or anywhere, for that matter). I was, however, very pleased at some new cowboy boots, yummy food things from Trader Joes and a ridiculously awesome plaid trooper hat. I AM SO CANADIAN WITH THIS HAT.

This hat which I purchased in America.

Whatevs.

A strange thing.

Sometimes when I'm getting ready in the morning, I'll see myself in the mirror in my underwear and I'll think to myself, "Hey, not bad."

But then I put on my clothes and I think to myself, "Hey, maybe we could lose a few pounds. Like say, 30."

What is THAT about? It's strange.

TWO IN ONE DAY!

This one is just to tell you that I. CAN. NOT. STOP. LAUGHING.

Everything is funny this afternoon. I love it. I love it so hard.

Have a great Friday, kids.

Smiling makes me smile.

I fully expected to be a grumpy ol' jerkface today, as today is my jobiversary. 4 years ago, I started here. As this day approached, I started to think about my career path and what I'm doing and where I'm going and why I'm doing it and blah blah blah. I started to get anxious. Also, it is Friday the 13th and I dropped my bagel on the floor this morning. I took this as a sign.

But then something great happened. Two people went out of their way to tell me that I had made them smile and laugh today. Do you know how awesome that is? It is my favourite feeling in the whole world.

So it doesn't really matter that I've been at the same job for 4 years. Clearly, I'm doing something right in life.

Something to look forward to.

It's very easy to be grumpy these days. Stuck in the dark all day, rarely seeing the sun. Everyone around you is feeling the same way, so you all just feed each other that delicious negative energy. And you eat it up, greedily. You can't seem to get enough of it sometimes.

This is why the little joys in life are so important. You need to have something to look forward to. One tiny little thing that makes you happy.

For me, it is my mailbox. I have been informed that someone awesome is sending me a package soon. Even though I know it won't be there right away, checking my mailbox will be my favourite part of my day until it arrives. Because for those moments right before I walk up the front stairs, I will be SO EXCITED. SO HOPEFUL. And even when I see that it's not there, I'll feel that way again when I think to myself, "Maybe tomorrow!"

It's going to be so great when it's finally here. I really love mail.

Remembrance.

Today is Remembrance Day, which means having a day off. Normally, I'm all, "WOOO! DAY OFF!" but not today. I always feel a little weird about making plans for this day. I feel like maybe I'm not supposed to have fun today. I'm supposed to remember.

I usually just end up using this as a day for staying home and thinking. Quietly reflecting about life and stuff.

I'm sure by the end of all this reflecting, I'll need my mom.

This space for rent.

I am kind of the greatest friend ever, because I looked past my annoyance of Twitter marketing to help out Lydia with a thing. I tweeted about this contest, which I actually think is kind of cool.

It would be pretty awesome if one of my Internet buddies won it, because they could come here and visit me. So maybe you should enter. And maybe we can drink tea together. And maybe Lydia has turned me into some kind of corporate marketing monster. ROARRRRRRRRR.

Making friends is difficult.

If you take the train here in the morning, you will run into at least three different people at the entrance/exit to the train station all of whom are offering you a different free newspaper. I hate reading the newspaper. Mostly because the ink always gets on my fingers and I hate the way it feels. Also because I get really annoyed when the articles are on page A4 and then they are continued on E7 and then you are like, "Where the fuck is E7?" Then you find E7 and there's only like half a paragraph left anyways and it makes me mad that there is a whole page just dedicated to finishing up stories because why didn't they just finish the story on the next page? It is like the newspaper business is immune to logic or something. I DIGRESS.

So anyways, when I leave the train in the morning I always see the same old man. His name tag says Saul. Saul is likely nearing 80 years old, but he stands outside EVERY morning quietly asking everyone if they would like a paper. He is quite possibly the most adorable man on the planet. I want him to be my friend. I want to go to a diner with him and drink coffee while he tells me ridiculous stories. I want him to give me tips about life.

But it can never happen. Because I can never take a paper from Saul. He'll see it in my eyes. He'll know that I hate reading the newspaper. He'll know that it's a pity paper, and he will never want to hang out with me after that.

It's a shame, because I think Saul and I would get along really well. We could talk about brown pants and running shoes, since I already know that he is a fan of that look.

One week.

I've made it through week one of NaBloPoMo! WORD UP.

The first bit of the week was pretty easy, because I came up with some writing prompts to use. It's something I've never really done before, but I quite enjoyed it. Once I had the idea, I was able to sit down and write 4 posts easily. NO PROBLEM. It felt pretty great.

Sometimes I need to stop thinking so much about what qualifies as content, and just tell you what I want to tell you. Today I want to tell you about a sandwich. A magical sandwich. From Finch's.

It was made on a fresh baguette and had sliced pear with blue brie, prosciutto and toasted walnuts, drizzled with balsamic and olive oil. IT WAS AMAZING. With each bite of this sandwich, I kept wondering why I had ever bothered to eat any other sandwich in my life. Why would I ever eat a sandwich on stupid regular bread? With stupid regular cheese? WHY HAVEN'T I BEEN PUTTING WALNUTS ON THEM?

I think I may have moved up into a whole new sandwich bracket. This could be trouble, friends. Big trouble. Delicious, delicious trouble.

Rituals

We all have little rituals that we perform (often daily) in order to keep ourselves sane. These little things make us feel like ourselves. I have one that I perform every week. I get a little sad when I miss it, even though missing it usually means that I'm off doing something awesome.

I spend my Saturday mornings exactly the same way, week after week. I look SO forward to doing it, even though it's nothing super special. I get out of bed around 9:30 or 10. I head to the giant chair and turn on the TV for a bit. I make myself a large vanilla soy latte, which I put into my favourite mug. (It's huge and was one of Lydia's. It came from La Senza, and I've been using it for tea and coffee since before I even lived here.) I turn on the W Network and watch whatever chick movie they happen to be playing that morning. (Last week was something with Amanda Bynes. DO NOT JUDGE ME.) I usually also eat some toast for breakfast.

Even if I think the movie is stupid, I still sit there and watch it. There is just something about the act of drinking THAT coffee out of THAT mug while watching THAT channel that makes me feel like... me. I never feel more at home than I do in those first few hours on Saturday morning.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a latte to make.

Ah-HA!

This past week has been HORRIBLE. I haven't been feeling so great. I've had crazy neck and back pain all week, which has lead to headaches and miserableness. But even before the neck pain started, I felt SO TIRED. Just completely physically drained. I couldn't understand why, because I had been sleeping fairly well. I just didn't feel like myself.

Today, it hit me. The time change always fucks with me a little bit. It often takes me a week or two to adjust. The fall one seems to be a little different, though. When I get up in the morning, it's dark out. It's light out on my way to work. In the office, we don't have overhead lights turned on, so it is really dark in there. On dark and rainy days, it is like working in a cave for 8 hours. Then I leave work in the dark. I've lived my entire week in the dark. I am pretty sure this is why I'm miserable.

I'm thinking about trying light therapy. The lights are a bit expensive, but I found some portable ones online from Target for a bit cheaper. I'm willing to give it a shot, because it's better than being a mopey old jerk for the next 6 months.

If you've tried light therapy, let me know. I'm interested to hear what you think of it. Or maybe you have other things that help you get through the winter blahs?

*sigh*

The things she could not live without.

The things she could not live without:

• her espresso machine


• hugs


• smiles from strangers


• making you laugh


• sleeping


• seeing your face


• Kid A by Radiohead


• real friends


• imaginary friends


• her iPhone


• seeing your smiling face

(Inspired by some postcards I bought at The Regional Assembly of Text.)

The things she loved.

The things she loved:

• Saturday morning coffee in her pjs


• movies about dancing


• the quiet moments right before she falls asleep


• brand new pens


• new shoes


• getting surprises in the mail


• science!
  

(Inspired by some postcards I bought at The Regional Assembly of Text.)

The things she hated.

The things she hated:

• waiting


• thinking about money


• cold water in the bathtub


• the taste of vitamin C tablets


• earaches


• being tired


• when Word automatically changes the font


• LOUD NOISES!


• spiders

(Inspired by some postcards I bought at The Regional Assembly of Text.)

The things she liked.

The things she liked:

• pancakes for dinner
  
• grape soda


• seeing new emails in her inbox


• hearing leaves crunch under her feet


• spinning around in circles in the sunlight


• the smell of freshly baked bread

(Inspired by some postcards I bought at The Regional Assembly of Text.)

NaBloPoMo, bitches!

Happy November, jerks! You know what that means... it is National Blog Posting Month. I've never taken part in this before, but I was thinking about it yesterday and I'm kind of sad about what has become of this space. I've been spending most of my time creating other kinds of content in other places, and therefore have let my writing here fall off. So I'm trying to kick myself in the butt and see if I can get back into the swing of things.

I shall be attempting to post once per day for the entire month of November. This doesn't seem like such a difficult thing to do, but sometimes you just feel like you have nothing to write about. I'm going to try to fix that. There's ALWAYS something to write about. I can write about having nothing to write about. WHOA. Meta.

Anyways, I'm excited about being back here. Let's see how this goes. Hopefully I don't muck it up.

Until tomorrow...

Bored.

I'm bored. Yeah, that's right. I said it. And don't give me any of that whole, "Only boring people get bored" crap. That's a lie. I know this. I know this because I am a very interesting person. A very interesting person WHO HAPPENS TO BE BORED OUT OF HER MIND RIGHT NOW, YO.

Now you're thinking I'm arrogant, calling myself interesting and shit. But I'm not. This is based on the fact that people are always telling me how interesting I am. Okay fine. The word they actually use is "weird", but that's like, basically the same thing. So whatever. I'm interesting.

AND I'M REALLY, REALLY BORED.

Hair today, gone tomorrow?

I used to have short hair. Really short hair, at one point. I loved it. The first time I went short (when I was 19) I was convinced that I would never have long hair EVER AGAIN. Short hair is so easy! I lasted about 8 years with short hair. I started growing it out over the past year, and now it is way long. It has been long for awhile now... and I'm starting to get bored with it. I feel like I want a change. But every time I talk about cutting it shorter again, people freak out. They keep telling me not to cut it, because I look so much better with long hair.

The problem is that when I had really short hair, I didn't ever take photographs of myself. This means that I don't really have anything besides my memory to go on. At the time I thought I looked great with short hair.. but what if I was wrong? If I had pictures, I would have PROOF of looking awesome. (Or possibly ridiculous.)

I'm going in tomorrow. I still have no idea what I'm going to do. But then again, I pretty much never do. I don't decide until I'm in the chair.

Until then, I'll get lost in Google results for "haircut awesome cool".

I think I'm pretty hilarious.

Self-deprecation is the kind of humour I am most fond of. I use it because I would much rather make fun of myself than to possibly offend someone else. This is why I do it so often. The problem with this is that when you do it as often as I do, people seem to read it the wrong way. If I make fun of myself, I must hate myself.

I don't. I swear.

To me, self-deprecation is about knowing yourself. No one knows me better than I do. I know my limitations, my strengths and weaknesses, my fears, my everythings. So when I make jokes about how I don't go out or talk to people it is not because I HATE MYSELF, it is because I KNOW MYSELF. I know that I don't go out and that I don't talk to people. I'm not sad about it. I think it is FUNNY. And it's okay for you to laugh about it too.

I make jokes about myself because I know I can take it. I think I'm HILARIOUS, so why wouldn't I share that with the world?

Haha, I'm totally arrogant.

SEE WHAT I DID THERE?

Down with the sickness.

I am pretty sure I am getting sick, which SUCKS ASS. I just feel so tired. I feel like I could go to sleep right now and sleep straight through until next Tuesday.

Hey, I should totally do that. BEST IDEA EVAR.

Everything is going to be alright.

I was driving home from downtown tonight and feeling a little bummed out about some things. As I headed over the Georgia Viaduct, I saw a bright light out of the corner of my eye. I looked over and saw a sign on top of a building in Chinatown. It was written in the brightest neon lights:

EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT.

I smiled and laughed to myself.

"It is." I said. "It really is."

My little part in a big thing.

There it is. The most famous tweet of them all. (All of MINE, I mean.) The original is here.

So this happened.

HEY GUYS, I'M ALIVE.

I'm also published. Sort of.

WHAT?

Yes, it is true. One of my tweets is in there! Want to see for yourself? Buy it! If you are able to, please purchase it through HERE, as part of the sale of your copy will go to help out a very deserving little girl and her family. If you can't buy it from there, (does Amazon.com ship to Canada? I don't know. Look it up!) you can find it here.

Woohoo!

Would you put your brain in a robot body?

I think I would. I mean, think about it. You could still do all the stuff you like doing, but you would never have to stop for bathroom breaks. And you would probably never have to worry about getting dressed ever again. It would be like walking around in the nude all the time, but way less controversial because you would have nothing but robot-y things to see on your body. That would be kind of cool.

If you ever had anything wrong with you, it would be way easier to fix than a human body. You would be like, "Ow, my knee hurts." and then you would just go to Home Depot. You would never forget to eat, because you would never need to remember. Your video game machines would never act like jerks to you ever again, because you would be one of them. You would never need to type ever again, because you could just use your human brain to think things and it would go straight to the computer in your robot body. If you wanted to print them out, you would just think, "Print that out!" and then it would come shooting out of the printer in your robot belly button.

It doesn't sound so bad to me.

Oh, wait. If I had a robot body I couldn't drink beer, because it would short circuit me.

Fuck that noise. HUMAN BODY FTW.

The internet threw up in there.

I just looked at my GMail inbox, and GOOD GOD. That place is a disaster area! The problem is that they make a point of telling me that I have all of the space in the whole wide world. ALL OF IT! IT IS ALL MINE! So I don't delete anything. And then it end up looking like the Internet just threw up in there.

So, I have decided to make some sort of organizational system. I don't know what exactly I am going to do, but I'm going to do something. Do you have any tips for managing your inbox? Let me know if you do. WORD.

Never forget.

I never drive to work. Like, EVER. I drove in this morning, because I was supposed to drive out to Delta after work to go for my dress fitting. But then my fitting got cancelled. And now there is a pretty good chance that I'll forget that I drove today and leave my car sitting in the parking lot.

Hot.

This heat. It is too much. It is making me upset. I am not sleeping well, therefore I am GRUMPY AS FUCK. I am also STUPID AS FUCK. Everything is making me mad. Everything makes me want to punch someone in the face and then probably cry about it a little bit afterwards.

Ugh.

I SAID UGH, GODDAMNIT.

Yuck.

I am so tired that I can feel each and every molecule of carbon dioxide leaving my body as I exhale. It is a great deal of work, this breathing. Existing. Everything feels like it takes so much effort. And if there's one thing I hate, it is try-ers. Ugh.

Almost true, except I don't swear at the ladies as much as I swear at the dudes.

Joan: "Excuse me, Sarah? Don't you think you should finish that copy before you leave today?"

Me: "What the fuck time is it, Joan? I think it's 5 o'clock. I think it's time to get my drink on. See you bitches Monday."

Peggy: "Oh my."

Me: "SUCK IT."

Go ahead, Mad Men Yourself. DO IT.

You were asking for it, missy.

It was really hot out today, so I had an iced coffee this afternoon. At about 3. Which was really fucking dumb of me because HELLO? I AM WIDE AWAKE STILL.

Fuckballs.

I don't really want to liveblog my insomnia again just yet. It's time to give that dead horse some rest before I start beating on it again. So I shall give you a brief rundown of my vacation.

My birthday was on Monday. It was the most lovely day. I woke up in the morning to messages from all my lovely internet friends and all my lovely real life friends. They kept pouring in all day and I was just delighted. You lot sure know how to make a girl feel special. I ate lots of yummy sushi with my Mom and sister and hung out with my dog. Awesome. I spent the next day shopping and hanging out with my Mom and sister again, because they are awesome.

Wednesday I spent the day at the swimmin' hole with my sister. We found the best secret swimming spot EVER. It was so rad that we actually went there twice in one day. i already want to go back. It was like I was a kid again. Swimming is the best.

Yesterday and today were all housey things and shopping things. Good times.

I was initially pretty upset about not being able to go anywhere on vacation this time around, but I've had a truly lovely week. Staycations aren't so bad after all, yo.

I'm still alive.

OH HAI. JUST VACATIONING AND USING THE INTERNET LESS THAN I NORMALLY DO WHICH IS KIND OF GREAT WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

Gumballs!

I got gumballs for an early b-day present! A whole box of them! Which is necessary, because the flavour in those suckers only lasts for like, 30 seconds. From then on it is a matter of how determined I am to make it last. I tend to keep chewing them long after the flavour first runs away, because I'm positive I'll hit another little flavour pocket. It's always a little sad when it's time to spit it out. BUT IT'S OKAY BECAUSE I HAVE LIKE A MILLION MORE.

I wish you a wonderful day.

Today has not been great. It has been a bad news day. I guess that's why this stood out to me so much.

It was just a regular work email, full of the usual stuff. But the end of it was slightly different.
It said :

"Thanks for your help and I wish you a wonderful day."

I wish you a wonderful day.

I wish you a wonderful day.

The sender of this email doesn't just hope that I have a wonderful day, he wishes that I have a wonderful day. It just seems so much more genuine and sweet. I love it.

Isn't it funny that one little word he chose to use changed my whole day around? Think about that.

Older? Yes. Wiser? Debatable.

Next Monday I will wake up, having gotten older again by one day. I will also have gotten older by one year.

I miss being younger. I miss having birthdays where all I cared about was what kind of presents I was going to get, or what kind of cake I’d get to eat. I don’t wonder about these things so much anymore. They have been replaced by bigger thoughts. Thoughts like, “Why am I still doing the exact same thing I was doing last year?” or “Shouldn’t you be moving on? Moving forward? Why can’t you bring yourself to do that?”

The answer is always the same. I don’t know. I never know. Which is exactly the problem. If I knew the answers, I’d be doing something about it. If I was doing something about it, I wouldn’t need to ask the questions.

Maybe this year will be different. Maybe I’ll figure it out. Maybe I’ll take a flying leap and change everything. Or maybe I’ll just do the robot dance. Again. For another year.

To the right.

It really hurts when I try to turn my head to the right. GUESS WHAT I KEEP DOING.

Eeeeeeeew.

Yesterday was a milestone. A big one.

I. Ate. Fish.

I KNOW, RIGHT? It's crazy. I've never been a fan of seafood, which is kind of a shame considering where I live. It's all seafood all the time over here. Yesterday I was convinced to try it again.

My friend Bernie is the most delightful cook, so I only tried it because he made it. We had this shrimp salad thing on baguettes in this yummy creamy dill sauce, crab cakes with chipotle aioli, crab ravioli with a chipotle cream sauce and two kinds of cedar plank salmon (one teriyaki, one wasabi glaze).

It was all delicious. I'm glad I mustered up the courage to try everything, because it would have been a shame to have missed out on any of it. I'm still not a huge fan of salmon, but I think I'll be more willing to try it now. I'm such a grown up!

Because sometimes you forget what you are doing.

FOR LIKE A WHOLE ENTIRE WEEK.

On Wednesday, I thought it was Thursday. Today I knew it was Thursday, but I was bitter about it. Tomorrow is for sure Friday. That is something I can really get on board with, friends.

All out of sorts.

I'm all out of sorts today. It was that silly day off in the middle of the week business. It was also the OOPS I DRANK COFFEE IN THE AFTERNOON YESTERDAY AND THEN COULDN'T GET TO SLEEP SO I TOOK SOME SLEEPY MEDICINE AND THEN I WAS GROGGY thing.

I thought it would all end when I got home, but nooooooooooo. I walked in the door and I was starving, so I ate dinner right away. This is not how it normally works. Normally I don't eat until 7 or 8pm. So now I'm sitting here all weirded out because I did everything backwards. I have all this time to just... sit here.

This day, it is messing up my brain and I don't like it.

L'autobus... OF EVIL.

The first bus I caught this morning was packed. Every seat was taken and the aisle was full of people who were standing. The bus was moseying on through an intersection when suddenly the driver SLAMMED on the brakes. Everyone went flying. I was hanging onto a pole, but you can't fight momentum, man. I was thrown off my feet and into the guy on the right side of me, while the guy on the left side of me flew into me. Like human dominoes! I caught myself by clutching onto the pole. It was in this very moment when every muscle on the left side of my torso felt like it was being ripped away from my bones. FUCK DID IT HURT.

This left me standing there in an intense amount of pain, trying to act like I was fine. My eyes started to well up a little and I started to feel really hot. I turned around to face forwards and my vision started to go a little fuzzy. I thought I was about to pass out. I stumbled off the bus at my stop and had to give myself a moment before I started walking. The breeze hit my face and I started to feel a little better.

I took some medicine right when I got to work. But holy fuck am I going to feel this one tomorrow. AWESOME.

I fucking hate the bus.

Friday

They don't call it Casual Friday for nothin'. For me, pretty much every day is casual at work. I don't really have to follow a dress code. Even so, I always make a point of wearing jeans on Fridays. It's like a mental thing. It's my busiest day at work, so I like to be comfortable. It's just how I roll, yo.

So. You've seen these jeans before. They are from Old Navy. It makes me sad to think that I can't just go buy some new ones when these ones are done. They were some sort of "special edition" issue. *sigh* It's okay though. They still have a lot of life left in them.

The shirt is from Aritzia. I have a couple of shirts from there and I quite like them. It's a good place to go if you are looking for t-shirts with interesting graphics or slightly different styles of the basic t-shirt.

The shoes are my "Jesus sandals". They are cute, strappy brown leather sandals that I bought about 6 or so years ago on sale at Aldo. The necklace is from Le Chateau. I love the chunky beads and the black/brown colour. It goes with almost everything. The scarf is one of my favourites. Another H&M find! Brie happens to have the exact same one, and Lydia has it in red. Everyone loves it!

So that brings us to the end of this little project. Did you like it? To be honest, I've had a lot of fun doing it. I think this might be something that I keep up. It won't be a daily occurance, but maybe every once in awhile. Let me know what you think!

Thursday

I know, I know. It's summer. But it was raining. SO WEARING BOOTS IS OKAY.

This outfit got me through fall, winter, spring and is now helping me work my way through summer. It's probably my favourite outfit. To make it work for fall/winter, I just throw on a scarf and a long black cardigan. Since the arrival of spring and summer, I've been wearing it with the black flats from yesterday. So versatile!

The dress is from H&M and is one of the best purchases I've ever made. I've worn the hell out of this dress. I love it because it works so well for every occasion. It's casual, but can be a little dressier too. It's also super comfortable.

The leggings are from American Apparel and are the only kind I wear. I like them because they are a thicker cotton and feel more like pants then tights. I don't like wearing anything super sheer for leggings.

And then there are the boots. My beloved boots. They are made by Vagabond and are super comfy. I bought these at Winners a couple of years ago for $5o. I KNOW, RIGHT? BARGAIN. I wore these almost every day in the winter, because they go with everything. I wear them with dresses, jeans, skirts... anything!

Wednesday

Yes. I know. This outfit is remarkably similar to what I wore yesterday. But it IS different. What can I say? I just like wearing jeans. ANYWAYS, let me break it down for you.

A plain black v-neck shirt is a must have, I say. This one I think is from Walmart or somewhere stupid like that. It was maybe $6. The jeans are from H&M and are some of my skinniest jeans. I was a bit shy to wear them at first, but now I LOVE them. The shoes are DVS. A basic black ballet flat is another wardrobe staple.

The scarf is H&M. I love this bright marigold colour. It adds a little pop of colour to an otherwise basic outfit. The necklace is the same one I wore on Monday. (See? I told you I wore it a lot!)

Tuesday

Today felt like a lazy, tired kind of day. So I went for comfort. Cute comfort, I hope! Let's start from the top.

The shirt is from H&M. It's actually long enough to be a dress and you can wear it as such with some leggings. I'm not quite ready to wear that look out just yet. I'm a little shy about it being too tight.

The jeans are from Old Navy, purchased a couple of years ago. They were my first ever skinny jeans, which I never wore because I was worried I was too chunky to wear them. I rediscovered them this past fall and have worn the hell out of them since.

The shoes are my new metallic gold Birkenstocks. They have a cute little ankle strap that you can't see.

The scarf and necklace are both from H&M. I love the big chunky stones on the necklace. I get lots of compliments whenever I wear it. My sister gave me the scarf as a gift and it is AWESOME. From a distance it looks like a very pretty floral pattern, which it is, but there are actually little tiny pink skulls hidden amongst the flowers. I love it.

Monday.

I love this skirt. I just bought it yesterday. I couldn't WAIT to wear it, so I ignored the weather forecast of general chilliness and went for it. Oddly enough, this entire outfit came from the same place, but at different times. All are from Joe Fresh (at Superstore). The t-shirt was purchased maybe 1 or 2 years ago and the shoes are from last spring. The necklace was a Christmas gift from a coworker. (I wear it several times a week!)

A little project.

I've decided to take on a little project this week. (In addition to the giant book that I will start tonight.)

It's nothing terribly fancy. It was born out of my desire to play around with my camera and is also an exercise in vanity.

For this whole week, I'm going to be posting photos of what I wear each day. There's really no reason to do this. I just think it sounds fun. (I was inspired by Mighty Girl's recent series about other people's wardrobes.)

I'm very important and have very important things to do.

When I had my regular cell phone I was always rather annoyed by those people who would whip out their Blackberry or iPhone every 5 goddamn minutes to check their email or Facebook or WHATEVER. I thought it was kind of sad that people could not stand to be disconnected for even a moment. It seemed kind of ridiculous.

BUT THEN I GOT MY IPHONE AND I GET IT NOW.

Oh, boy do I get it. I heart it. We shall never be apart again, Internet. NEVER.

It's funny because it's true.

I actually watched it last night and this was exactly what I saw. I'm sort of jealous of Jon, because how awesome would it be to be able to just look into a camera and complain your face off? PRETTY AWESOME. I'd like to do it right now.

Anti/Pro

Yesterday I wrote something elsewhere about how sometimes I get really nervous about talking to people, even on the Internet. I do love people and I wish I was better at talking to them. I'm one of those people that likes to sit back and watch everybody else interact and try to figure people out a little bit before I actually interact. So I guess that makes me look anti-social. But I'm not. I'm pro-social. (Is that a thing? I don't think it's a thing.)

I'm just a different kind of social. The not talking all the time kind. Is that so bad?

Me Talk Pretty One Day

I went to see David Sedaris at a reading in Victoria at Bolen Books. Here's what happened.

The reading was scheduled to start at 7pm. We got there at 4pm. We had excellent seats, but there was a lot of waiting. And waiting. And waiting. And waiting. He arrived just after 7, and read a story that had been rejected by "This American Life", a work in progress that he thought wasn't quite working, and some entries from his diary. They were all completely hilarious and adorable. After the question period (in which people asked some REALLY STUPID SHIT) we all moved to the signing table at the back of the store. Since we had such great seats for the reading, this meant that we were pretty much at the back of the line for signing.

We waited for 3 hours. 3 HOURS. Things started off okay when we were in the fiction aisle. By the time we reached science fiction, things started to go downhill a little bit. We were all starting to get a little tired and crazy. As we winded our way into the final aisle of toys, we all went mental. Touching everything, playing with puppets, pointing out inappropriate phrases on boxes of toys (for example, a fort building kit that said, "Just add bedsheets for endless fun!").

When I could finally see him, I started to freak out a little bit. I had heard him asking people about what they did for a living. I panicked. What the hell was I going to tell him if he asked me that? I couldn't tell him what I do. I couldn't say that out loud. Not to David Sedaris. Oh crap.

Erin and I decided to work as a team, and went up together. (Read her experience here.) After incorrectly guessing her star sign, he guessed mine:

DS: "Sarah... cancer?"

Me: "YES! Whoa. You're good. How did you know?"

DS: "I lied before. I'm actually very good at these things."

Me: "That's amazing."

DS: "So, Sarah. What do you do?"

*Oh crap. Oh crap. Just say it. Just tell him. Don't freak out. It's the truth.*

Me: "I'm a writer."

*OH CRAP. OH CRAP. I JUST TOLD ONE OF MY FAVOURITE WRITERS THAT I AM A WRITER OH CRAP.*

DS: "That's great! What sort of things to you write?"

Me: "Well, for money I work in advertising."

DS: "Really? Oh! I have to ask you something. Have you heard of Zack Galifianakis?"

Me: "Yes! I just saw The Hangover last week. He's hilarious."

DS: "Okay. This is so great. Absolut Vodka hired him to create some ads for them. Have you seen them?"

Me: "No! That's crazy."

DS: "He agreed to do it under the condition that they had to use whatever he came up with. They are so bizarre. They're wonderful. So weird. You have to watch them. Here, I'm going to write this down for you. I don't want you to forget!"

Me: "Okay! They already sound awesome."

DS: "Make sure you watch them. It would be interesting to hear what someone in the ad business thinks of them."

Me: "I'll watch them right away! Thanks!"

DS: "Thank you for coming!"

AND THEN I FREAKED OUT A LITTLE.

You see, despite the fact that this is not my official job title, writing is a part of what I do. Writing is what I do when I'm NOT at work. Writing is what I do sometimes when I AM at work. I'm a writer. It's what I do. I've always been hesitant to tell people that. I've always felt like I'm not qualified to call myself a writer... but I am. I've never answered the "What do you do?" question that way before. I've never really said it out loud. So it was a big deal for me. Especially since the first time I ever said it was so someone I admire so very, very much.

Squee!

See? I'll never forget about these videos now:

They are really bizarre and hilarious, by the way. Check them out.

Also, here is my book! (Photo courtesy of Erin.)

Too much.

I'm not quite ready to sit down and write about it just yet, but I think I'll be ready tomorrow. Until then, enjoy these tidbits from Erin about the time we met David Sedaris. Yesterday. (Squee!)

Brought to you by...

At the end of the day, I looked down at my outfit and noticed something. Every single thing I was wearing came from the same store. American Apparel.

OHHHHHHHHHHH.

My dress, the shirt/dress thing I had to wear underneath my dress for modesty purposes because come on I'm a professional, my leggings and my scarf. All from American Apparel.

Shit. Now I'm worried that maybe I looked a little porny, despite being covered up. That's just what happens when you wear their stuff, right? Whatever. It's cool. I didn't have much dignity left anyways. Losing the last of it shouldn't make much of a difference.

I AM TOTALLY GOING TO GET A NEW iPHONE OH YEAH.

That is all.

PS: WOOOOOOOO!

Lazy Sunday

Today I won't put on any makeup. I'm going to let my hair air dry. I'm going to lie about in my Neil Diamond t-shirt. I'm going to eat eggs on toast. I'm going to do some laundry.

I'm going to have myself a delightful little Sunday.

Really.

Does anybody actually ever do any work in the last half hour before they go home? As soon as I see the clock hit 4pm, I've already mentally checked out. That's when I try to do all the stupid crap that you don't really have to think about. You know, stuff like checking your email 700 times. And drinking water very slowly. And opening and closing files. Important stuff.

*sniffle*

I'm sitting here watching So You Think You Can Dance and I'm getting far too emotional about the whole thing. This one dude finished the Mia Michaels choreography and when they let him through to the next round he TOTALLY STARTED SOBBING BECAUSE HE JUST REALLY LOVES DANCING SO MUCH. And then I was all OH MY GOD I JUST REALLY LOVE DANCING TOO and then maybe I started to tear up a little.

Then they were all "Oh, hey now we're going to do West Side Story." Which is why this show is awesome.

A refreshing change.

Upon my arrival at home from work, I stopped short before falling into my typical routine which is computer ON, television ON, brain OFF.

Instead, I wandered over to the giant stack of unread and half-read books on the floor beside my bed. I grabbed the top one and sat myself down in the giant armchair. Then I read. I read and read and read. Then I read some more. I finished the book.

I can't tell you how excited I am to have actually finished a book. Reading is something that used to be a huge part of my life, but in recent years I seem to have drifted from it. I'll start a book, get halfway through it, then abandon it for something new. The hours I used to spend reading have been replaced by sitting in front of a computer screen or a television. But no more.

I want to make this my summer of reading. I think my brain could use it. So could my soul. I'm going to get to work on the rest of the stack beside my bed. When I run out of things to read, I will come back and ask you for some suggestions. Or, feel free to offer some up now if you wish.

READING IS GOOD. IT MAKES ME BETTER AT THE THINKING. YAY READING.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT.

You know how whenever you get a group of people together, someone always quotes Anchorman and then everyone laughs? (Seriously. It happens EVERY. TIME. ALWAYS.)

I did that by accident. I had a bit of a Brick moment.

There were lots of people in here and they were all talking at the same time. It made me very nervous and confused. So I said it, because I really didn't know what was going on:

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT."

Then everyone laughed.

So... yay? I'm still confused, but they think I'm HILARIOUS so I guess it's cool.

That's a lot of look.

I have too much crap. So today is the day where I clean out my closet and say goodbye to the things I no longer need. As Tim Gunn says, you should only wear clothes that are soul stirring. Things that you love SO MUCH that you can't bear to live without.

Yeah. We'll see how that goes. Wish me luck...

So yeah. Eating. That's a thing, right?

When I woke up this morning I still had the tail end of a headache that had been with me since Thursday morning. I once got a hot tip from a doctor that caffeine can help get rid of headaches. So I made myself a coffee. Then I drank it. Then I took a Motrin. Then I felt like I was having a heart attack. It was nearly as bad as the infamous Dr. Pepper incident.

I also happened to have a lot of work to do today, so I unknowingly worked through lunch and totally forgot to eat anything. OOPS. Now it's almost 2:30pm and I still haven't eaten lunch because the thought of leaving the office to get some food is kind of making me nervous, which is OBVIOUSLY a reaction to the caffeine. So I'm sitting at my desk eating chocolate covered peanut butter pretzels, which is a horrible idea because HELLO! CHOCOLATE HAS CAFFEINE.

So yeah. That's what's going on with me right now. What's up with you?

My hair looks really good today, but I'm still going to cry.

I'm there. I'm totally there. "There" being the supreme level of tiredness where I begin to question my sanity.

The dog just barked at me and I thought I was going to cry.

Then I couldn't figure out how to work the XBox and I thought I was going to cry.

Then both of the dogs got all up in my face and I thought I was going to cry.

So basically what I'm saying is that I am probably going to cry at some point during the evening.

I'm so tired. I'm so, so, so tired.

Twenty more minutes.

4:10pm. Twenty more minutes. Just twenty more minutes kid, and freedom will be yours.

Temporarily.

8:30am. Eight more hours. Just eight more hours kid, and freedom will be yours.

Whole Foods is trying to kill me.

It's true. Whole Foods is trying to kill me. I think they put something sinister in my burrito bowl, cause whoa crap am I sleepy right now. Like, way sleepier than carbohydrates should make a person.

Whoa crap.

It could also possibly have something to do with the fact that I am slightly sleep deprived at the moment.

Or Whole Foods could seriously be trying to kill me.

Ouch.

This bed is killing me, yo.

It is a futon mattress on top of an Ikea bed frame. I can feel the slats through the mattress. This is not some Princess and the Pea shit. I don't know how they sleep on this thing all the time.

I have bruises on my hips from this bed. I have a pain in my neck from this bed.

I will be sleeping in this bed for three more nights.

I miss my bed. I miss it ever so dearly.

Doggie style.

This will be the third night of house sitting, meaning that the last time I slept in my own bed was on Saturday. I woke up this morning with an odd bruise on my hip from the futon mattress/bed slats situation. I have actually managed to get some sleep, but not the good sleep. Not the deep, coma kind of sleep. That's my favourite kind of sleep. The kind you wake up from and think, "Oh FUCK that was awesome."

The dogs have been pretty easy to manage. They are a bit needy sometimes, but it's okay. I felt bad about kicking them out of the bedroom at night, but OH MY GOD IT IS NOT MY FAULT YOU ARE SO LOUD WHEN YOU BREATHE.

All I want to do right now is climb into my very own bed and sleep for a thousand years. The only way to wake me up before that would be to have a cute boy wake me up, Sleeping Beauty stylez.

Alas, it cannot happen. *sigh*

Towel Day

It's Towel Day! I don't know where mine is. Well, I do. It's at my house. But I don't have it with me, and this is the problem. Well, I suppose the actual problem is that I don't know where my towel is in the metaphorical sense.

I do not have my shit together. I don't know what to do next. I feel like I know what I want to do, but I have absolutely no idea how to do it.

It's kind of a funny day to have encountered a situation that has indeed caused me to panic a little.

Damnit.

HA HA HA!

I am acquainted with at least 7 people whose laugh is an actual, honest to goodness, "HA HA HA!".

This concerns me greatly. I suspect they are all evil. I suspect they are all trying to take over the world. I mean, really. Think about it. Only evil people ever really laugh in such a manner.

Creepy.

Things I am getting really good at.

Things I am getting really good at:

• doing the "I'm totally dancing but I'm trying to look like I'm not dancing" dance on public transit.
• doing the "I totally have to pee right now but I'm trying to act like I totally don't have to pee right now" thing during meetings.
• doing the "I'm totally not working, but I look like I'm working" thing when I'm at work.
• doing the "I look like I'm listening, but I'm totally not even listening" thing ALL THE TIME.
• making lists of things that no one really cares about.

Not even kidding.

Last night I watched Little Voice. I may have gotten inspired. Hence how I ended up in my current situation.

Yeah. I'm in my living room in my pyjama shorts and heels, practicing my Judy Garland "Come On Get Happy" routine.

HEY, YOU DIDN'T JUDGE RUFUS WAINWRIGHT WHEN HE DID IT SO SHUT UP.

Tap dancing in heels is just like riding a bike. You will never forget how to do it. I should put that shit on my resume.

Regret.

Suddenly I'm filled with regret about having never watched a single episode of One Tree Hill.

Seriously, look at this:




WTF? A DOG ATE A TRANSPLANT HEART OFF THE FLOOR IN THE HOSPITAL. IN FRONT OF THE PATIENT. THAT IS AWESOME.

It's like the writers happened to catch an episode or two of Grey's Anatomy and were all, "OH, YOU WANT A TOTALLY ABSURD DRAMATIC SITUATION? I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU. SUCK IT, MCDREAMY."

Ohhhhh man.

Bad idea.

I just spent $50 at the drug store on my lunch break.

I didn't even buy any drugs!

Dude, WTF?

OH HECK YES

Yesterday I went to the drugstore to get some band aids. I also purchased some jelly beans. As I waited in line I pretended as though I was purchasing these neon band aids and jelly beans for a small child. NO. THEY WERE TOTALLY FOR ME.

ANYWAYS, when I got home I accidentally fell asleep at 7:30pm, so I didn't get to eat all my jelly beans. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise because GUESS WHAT I AM DOING RIGHT NOW? IF YOU SAID EATING JELLY BEANS YOU ARE RIGHT WOW YOU ARE REALLY GOOD AT GUESSING GAMES DID YOU GO TO COLLEGE? I BET YOU WENT TO COLLEGE.

Ooooh, that one tasted like coconut.

Follow your dreams.

I have a dream that one day I will stop having those moments where I look down at my hand/foot/arm/leg/knee/whatever and say, "Oh, hey. I'm totally bleeding."

This happens to me quite often.

I could save so much money on bandages.

Pimpin' ain't easy.

So, there is this contest. Some lovely people have been kind enough to nominate me to have one of my tweets made into a shirt from Threadless! I think it could be kind of cool. If I were to win, I would get $500 and then you could buy my shirt! WHOA. I was hesitant to post about it, but I think it is kind of exciting. So there you go.

ANYWAYS... Here are the links to some of my nominated tweets. If you like them, please vote! I'm so not going to win, but it's fun anyways.

AS ZOOSALLY

Jello Biafra hates T9

Wasabi peas are trouble.

No sleep

I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

Today I saw the cutest boy. He looked right at me. He had the prettiest blue eyes. He wore the exact right kind of jeans. He had a very nice haircut. Maybe I'll see him again. Maybe he'll talk to me next time. OMG, I would die. I would be so nervous! But it would be nice. Eeee!

~s

This is the part where I tell you that was an excerpt from the diary I kept in high school and that I was 16 when I wrote that.

*ahem* That would be a lie. That shit happened today. HAHAHA!

He did wear really nice jeans though. You can tell a lot about a man by the kind of jeans he wears.

AHHHHHHHHH!

On Saturday, I was sitting alone in my room when my phone buzzed because I had just gotten a text. It scared the living shit out of me. I squealed like I had just seen a giant spider and fell over. It took me a moment to calm down.

Today, I was on my computer and a chat window popped up. It made a "BLOOP" sound. I jumped a little and yelled out, "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

I think I just took social phobias to a brand new level. Either that, or everything just needs to stop making loud noises.

Sweet Jesus. I think I've calmed down now. *breathe*

I put on makeup for you today, world.

It is the classic dilemma. Do I or do I not need to go outside today? I did put on some makeup. I did twist my hair up into a bun.

But it is rainy and I have no idea where I want to go.

I think I'll just stay inside and make pretty eyes at the computer screen. It's better this way.

Wishful makeupping.

Sometimes it's hard to tell.

Sometimes it's hard to tell if you are doing it wrong or really, really right. This is how I have spent the majority of my day:





















Chillin. In my bed. Sleepin. For like, a bajillion hours.

A combination of several factors has caused me to feel bloody exhausted today. Even now, I feel like I want to go back to sleep again. It takes a lot out of you, this whole existing thing.

Dancing should always look like this.

This makes me happy. So very, very, very happy.




Could you BE any more adorable, Jonathan Richman? No. No you could not. *swoon*

Things I wish I could say.

- I know what I'm doing. So stop acting like I don't.

- I wish I knew why you insist on being so condescending towards me. Is it because I'm a girl? Because I'm young? Because I'm short? (Though I don't think 5'5-ish is all that short, thankyouverymuch.)

- I worry about you.

- Will you sell me some of your talent for 50 cents? I don't think you are aware of how good you are. This annoys me. I have to try so much harder than you, which sucks because I'm admittedly lazy.

That is all for now.

What's cooler than being cool? These socks.

I decided that I was going to go look for some new shoes after work today. Then I remembered that I am currently wearing socks of this nature:


















That's kind of embarrassing, no? They are just so darn soft. They feel nice inside my boots.

Crap.

I'll tumble for ya.

I have a question for you folks. Do you use Tumblr? I'm kind of intrigued by it. I think I want to try it, but I am nervous to do so. I fear that my brain might explode from having to come up with content for Twitter, my blog AND Tumblr. Do any of you have regular blogs and Tumblr? Are your brains all exploded? Leave a comment/email/or tweet me and let me know your thoughts. Thanks!

Good idea.

I decided that I wanted to write a list to submit to McSweeney's. All I have so far is a list of reasons why I should not write a list to submit to McSweeney's. It's not so much a list as it is three lines of "because you aren't that clever." It's in point form though. So it looks like a list.

It's going really well so far.

You've reached Sarah. I can't come to the phone right now. Leave a message.

Okay. So when you call me and I don't answer, you get my voicemail. It tells you that it's me and that I'm busy. It asks you to leave a message and tells you that I'll call back. Pretty easy to figure out. Yet this seems to be very confusing for a certain heavily-accented man.

He calls me from a private number at least 3 times a week. He hears the part where I say "THIS IS SARAH". He is most definitely not trying to call Sarah. Yet he still leaves a message. He talks to me about home renovations. I suspect he is a contractor. He tells me that I need to remember to install the something-or-other in the bedroom. He demands to know what time the delivery guys are coming. He suggests that I call him at home to give him this information.

It is starting to drive me a little crazy. I think I need to temporarily change my message. Something like this:

"Hello, you've reached the voicemail of Sarah. Who, by the way, IS TOTALLY NOT IN THE CONSTRUCTION BUSINESS AND THEREFORE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT THE CRAP YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT, SIR. If you don't want to talk about construction, please leave a message. Thanks!"

Will this work? Is this necessary? Share your thoughts with me on this one, buddies.

I ♥ voting.

First I came home to grab my voter registration card. I WAS VERY EXCITED.





















Then I walked to the voting place. I danced while I was voting, just so I could make a joke about poll dancing.





















They gave me a sticker!





















Naturally, I stuck it on my nose. But remember, kids. VOTING IS VERY SERIOUS BUSINESS.

It's a miracle I showed up at all.

I just discovered that for the entire month of May my watch has had the wrong date on it. I've been a whole day behind. The fact that I haven't noticed it until now means that I'm either really stupid, or kind of brilliant. So clever that I don't need to have any sense of time.

No. I'm just really unorganized. That's pretty much the story there.

Friends, both real and imaginary.

I heard some sad news today. It came with some advice, which was to hold close to the people you love, because life is all too short to wait to do it later. The first thing I did when I got home was to call my best friend, just to tell her that I missed her.

Friends, I'm sorry. I probably don't call, write or visit you nearly often enough. I should change that. But know that you all mean the world to me and I'm so lucky to know you. I simply wouldn't be the person I am today without your incredible support and love. You are all tops!

This goes for my imaginary internet friends as well. Thank you for being the wonderful, amazingly funny and brilliant people you are. I hope to get to know you better.

Just do it.

Things you could do today, if you felt like it:

• Listen to Stars and then have makeouts.
• Listen to Stars and then think about having makeouts.
• Eat a piece of cake.
• Eat a banana.
• Misdiagnose yourself with something by looking it up on the internet.
• Hike up your tights in front of a glass wall.
• Slouch a lot.
• Partake in nasal irrigation.
• Steal someone's pen.
• Smell a flower.
• Take some allergy medicine.
• Build a rocket ship.
• Smile at someone who is a total jerk.
• Go to sleep whenever you feel like it because you are a grown up, goddamnit.

I've got nothing to do today but smile.

I woke up this morning with this song in my head. I think I've listened to it about 7 times today. I've quoted it in two tweets. I love it so much. So very, very much.




It kind of makes me want to go to New York, just so I can be alone and listen to it. Is that weird? Because I'd totally do it.

LA-AME.

Atonement is a boring movie. I probably think this because I turned it on halfway through.

Yeah. I bet that's it.


*time passes*

NOPE. It's just boring.

You've got mail.

For at least a year, my email notification at work has been a clip of Mr. T saying, "It's time to stop jammerin', before I start hammerin'." While it is still HILARIOUS, it was time for a change. A change that was blown in by a mighty wind.

Friends, meet Mike Lafontaine.





Now every time I get a new email, he says exactly what I'm thinking:

"Hey! Wha happened?"

It's probably the best idea I've had all week.

The news.

Is this a thing: actual journalism.

What inspired this tweet was something I overheard on the news earlier today. I do believe it was something like this:

"In other news, American Idol rocked last night..."

The sad part is not that they wrote this and said this on air, but that they HAD TO. I hate that we live in a world where what happened on American Idol last night is news. Remember when you had to go specifically to entertainment based news shows/magazines to get this information? I liked it better that way.

This makes me so proud of that college diploma of mine. Hooray for the media! Ugh.

Om.

I should really never drink coffee. Ever. Never ever. I can never tell when it is going to cause me to freak out. It is just so delicious! Sometimes I just can't help myself.

When the caffeine hits me, the anxiety sets in. I ride the wave of panic. EVERYTHING IS A BIG DEAL. EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.

So, how do I calm myself down? A mantra. It changes all the time, given the current circumstances. It's just whatever makes me feel better at the time. Today?

"Everything will be okay. These jeans look really good on you and eventually the Barenaked Ladies will have to break up. They can't go on forever and neither will this feeling of fear and worry."

See? Better already.

HEY WHAT IS GOING ON?

This morning I woke up and was feeling a little groggy, so I made myself a coffee. This seemed like an excellent idea at the time. Turns out, it was not so excellent. Now I feel a little
heart-attacky and nervous. Every time my email notification goes off I'm all, "WHOAAAAAAA!"

Seriously. I think I'm high. I'm typing really fast. CAN YOU GET HIGH FROM COFFEE? I THINK THAT MAYBE YOU CAN. I SHOULD LOOK THAT UP ON WIKIPEDIA. THEY KNOW EVERYTHING OVER THERE, HUH? OH SORRY. caps lock.

*breathe* OH SHIT I JUST ATE CHOCOLATE. IT WAS DARK. THAT'S BAD, ISN'T IT?

I just walked away from my computer for 5 mins and then forgot where I was going, so I came back. It probably wasn't important.

Ohhhhhhhhhh dear.

So nice.

If you have not done so before, I strongly recommend taking a nap on someone else's couch. It's not weird at all. In fact, it's quite lovely. I'm going to go do it now. On a chaise lounge. A chaise lounge that is not mine. 

Lovely. 

But seriously, folks.

I really need to know the answer to this. It's driving me crazy.

How the fuck did I get this bump on my head?

It is affecting my judgement, as I have done a few questionable things since Friday night. Like, say... watching "She's the Man" on TV right now. Am I concussed?

Pikachu.

Fuzzy kitty, originally uploaded by Lydia Fizz.

There are two cats that live at my house, both of which belong to Lydia. This is Pikachu. She's going to be moving to Lydia's fiancee's house.

I think she knows. She's been acting suspiciously since I got home. Poor thing. She's a very nervous cat and I suspect she will not handle the move well at first.

I'm allergic to cats and generally find them to be untrustworthy, so we have not had the best relationship. But you know what? I think I might even miss her a little. Especially because the cat that is NOT moving is kind of an asshole.

Pikachu and I had a little moment today. I gave her a pet and scratched her behind the ears.

You're alright, Pikachu. You're alright.

Sitting.

I'm house sitting for a week, which is kind of weird. It's a little strange to find yourself alone with someone else's stuff. I'm afraid to use anything. Except the TV... WHICH HAS HBO. The best.

I'm here to look after a cat. A cat which I have not actually seen yet. She hides from people. Last night I was convinced that this cat didn't actually exist. However, this morning she was kind enough to leave proof of her existence on the rug. Gross.

I forgot my toothbrush. I haven't showered yet. I feel gross. I'm going back to my house so that I can do some laundry and feel normal again.

Yes, this is my life. It is so very glamourous.

Oh, hey. Nice to meet you, dude who totally was part of a thing that changed my life.

This morning when I was sitting in front of the mirror wearing a towel and putting on my makeup, Nirvana came on the radio. It was "All Apologies". I paused for a moment and listened. I looked in the mirror and laughed at how some things never change. I had totally had the exact same moment when I was 13, in my room at my parents' house.


I would shut myself up in my room for hours, cycling through all the albums and starting over again when I got to the end of Unplugged. This music was my adolescent experience. I was angsty. It was angsty. It made me feel normal. It meant the world to me.

Which is why I FREAKED OUT when I turned around this morning to see Krist Novoselic standing behind me.

"HOLY SHIT. He's right there. Holy shit. What do I do? I'm too scared to move. I'm going to cry. HOLY SHIT."

The next thing I know, I'm standing in front of him. Wow, he's tall. He's 6'8. I'm 5'6. This could not possibly look more comical. He looks at me and smiles. He leans forward so he's not so far up, and grabs my hand to shake it. His hand is giant. It is also very soft. He has a firm handshake.

"Hi, I'm Krist. What's your name?"
"Hi. I'm Sarah."
"Sarah? It's so nice to meet you, Sarah."
"It's great to meet you too."

Then the inner dialogue kicks in. Ohmygoddoyouknowwhoyouare? You were in Nirvana. YOU WERE IN NIRVANA. I was in love with you when I was 13. Is there a non-creepy way for me to tell you that your music changed my life? No. No there's not. HOLY SHIT YOU WERE IN NIRVANA. Wow, you are seriously tall. And so nice. You are seriously nice. I want to be your friend. GOD DON'T SAY THAT OUT LOUD.

We pose for a photo. He is standing right behind me. I'm a midget. DID HE JUST TOUCH ME AGAIN? I'm going to cry. This is awesome. Is this really happening?

We all say thank you. He thanks us.

"Thanks, you guys. It was really wonderful to meet you all."

HE was glad to have met ME.

I walk around the corner. When I know he can't see or hear me anymore I have my 13 year old freak out.

HE WAS IN NIRVANA. AND HE SHOOK MY HAND.

Best. Day. Ever.