That thing you do.

Just about every time I write something that vaguely references work (eg: random thing happened at work, random thing I said at work, weird crap I did at work) it is inevitable that I get the dreaded follow up question from a reader. It is perhaps my least favourite question ever in time. 

"What the hell do you DO for a living?" 

"Where on earth do you work?"

"Who in their right mind would ever give YOU a job?"

Okay, so no one has ever actually asked me that last one. But I'm sure you have thought about it on more than one occasion. 

ANYWAYS, I never quite know how to deal with these questions so I usually just ignore them. I'm not really comfortable with putting that info out there. I've always been pretty vague about what it is that I do. Probably because I have a healthy fear of getting DOOCED. 

I realize that I could probably tell you WHAT I do without telling you WHERE I do it and probably manage to keep myself out of trouble. But what would be the fun in that? For all you know, this could be my job. Perhaps it has all been just one elaborate story, crafted while I sat in my basement apartment whilst drinking coffee in my underwear. 

Actually, that job sounds kind of amazing. If you've got a line on how I might be able to land a gig like that, maybe you need to be sending me an e-mail. YESTERDAY.

Wait. I had a point. Right. So basically what I am trying to say is that I'm probably never going to explain to the Internet what I do for a living. You needn't feel bad though, because I even hate explaining my job to people in real life. I'm happy if I can manage to get away with telling them, "Oh, I work at a - ooooh, look! Canapes!" 

Shock and awe, baby. Works like a charm.