Hot.

This heat. It is too much. It is making me upset. I am not sleeping well, therefore I am GRUMPY AS FUCK. I am also STUPID AS FUCK. Everything is making me mad. Everything makes me want to punch someone in the face and then probably cry about it a little bit afterwards.

Ugh.

I SAID UGH, GODDAMNIT.

Yuck.

I am so tired that I can feel each and every molecule of carbon dioxide leaving my body as I exhale. It is a great deal of work, this breathing. Existing. Everything feels like it takes so much effort. And if there's one thing I hate, it is try-ers. Ugh.

Almost true, except I don't swear at the ladies as much as I swear at the dudes.

Joan: "Excuse me, Sarah? Don't you think you should finish that copy before you leave today?"

Me: "What the fuck time is it, Joan? I think it's 5 o'clock. I think it's time to get my drink on. See you bitches Monday."

Peggy: "Oh my."

Me: "SUCK IT."

Go ahead, Mad Men Yourself. DO IT.

You were asking for it, missy.

It was really hot out today, so I had an iced coffee this afternoon. At about 3. Which was really fucking dumb of me because HELLO? I AM WIDE AWAKE STILL.

Fuckballs.

I don't really want to liveblog my insomnia again just yet. It's time to give that dead horse some rest before I start beating on it again. So I shall give you a brief rundown of my vacation.

My birthday was on Monday. It was the most lovely day. I woke up in the morning to messages from all my lovely internet friends and all my lovely real life friends. They kept pouring in all day and I was just delighted. You lot sure know how to make a girl feel special. I ate lots of yummy sushi with my Mom and sister and hung out with my dog. Awesome. I spent the next day shopping and hanging out with my Mom and sister again, because they are awesome.

Wednesday I spent the day at the swimmin' hole with my sister. We found the best secret swimming spot EVER. It was so rad that we actually went there twice in one day. i already want to go back. It was like I was a kid again. Swimming is the best.

Yesterday and today were all housey things and shopping things. Good times.

I was initially pretty upset about not being able to go anywhere on vacation this time around, but I've had a truly lovely week. Staycations aren't so bad after all, yo.

I'm still alive.

OH HAI. JUST VACATIONING AND USING THE INTERNET LESS THAN I NORMALLY DO WHICH IS KIND OF GREAT WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

Gumballs!

I got gumballs for an early b-day present! A whole box of them! Which is necessary, because the flavour in those suckers only lasts for like, 30 seconds. From then on it is a matter of how determined I am to make it last. I tend to keep chewing them long after the flavour first runs away, because I'm positive I'll hit another little flavour pocket. It's always a little sad when it's time to spit it out. BUT IT'S OKAY BECAUSE I HAVE LIKE A MILLION MORE.

I wish you a wonderful day.

Today has not been great. It has been a bad news day. I guess that's why this stood out to me so much.

It was just a regular work email, full of the usual stuff. But the end of it was slightly different.
It said :

"Thanks for your help and I wish you a wonderful day."

I wish you a wonderful day.

I wish you a wonderful day.

The sender of this email doesn't just hope that I have a wonderful day, he wishes that I have a wonderful day. It just seems so much more genuine and sweet. I love it.

Isn't it funny that one little word he chose to use changed my whole day around? Think about that.

Older? Yes. Wiser? Debatable.

Next Monday I will wake up, having gotten older again by one day. I will also have gotten older by one year.

I miss being younger. I miss having birthdays where all I cared about was what kind of presents I was going to get, or what kind of cake I’d get to eat. I don’t wonder about these things so much anymore. They have been replaced by bigger thoughts. Thoughts like, “Why am I still doing the exact same thing I was doing last year?” or “Shouldn’t you be moving on? Moving forward? Why can’t you bring yourself to do that?”

The answer is always the same. I don’t know. I never know. Which is exactly the problem. If I knew the answers, I’d be doing something about it. If I was doing something about it, I wouldn’t need to ask the questions.

Maybe this year will be different. Maybe I’ll figure it out. Maybe I’ll take a flying leap and change everything. Or maybe I’ll just do the robot dance. Again. For another year.

To the right.

It really hurts when I try to turn my head to the right. GUESS WHAT I KEEP DOING.

Eeeeeeeew.

Yesterday was a milestone. A big one.

I. Ate. Fish.

I KNOW, RIGHT? It's crazy. I've never been a fan of seafood, which is kind of a shame considering where I live. It's all seafood all the time over here. Yesterday I was convinced to try it again.

My friend Bernie is the most delightful cook, so I only tried it because he made it. We had this shrimp salad thing on baguettes in this yummy creamy dill sauce, crab cakes with chipotle aioli, crab ravioli with a chipotle cream sauce and two kinds of cedar plank salmon (one teriyaki, one wasabi glaze).

It was all delicious. I'm glad I mustered up the courage to try everything, because it would have been a shame to have missed out on any of it. I'm still not a huge fan of salmon, but I think I'll be more willing to try it now. I'm such a grown up!

Because sometimes you forget what you are doing.

FOR LIKE A WHOLE ENTIRE WEEK.

On Wednesday, I thought it was Thursday. Today I knew it was Thursday, but I was bitter about it. Tomorrow is for sure Friday. That is something I can really get on board with, friends.

All out of sorts.

I'm all out of sorts today. It was that silly day off in the middle of the week business. It was also the OOPS I DRANK COFFEE IN THE AFTERNOON YESTERDAY AND THEN COULDN'T GET TO SLEEP SO I TOOK SOME SLEEPY MEDICINE AND THEN I WAS GROGGY thing.

I thought it would all end when I got home, but nooooooooooo. I walked in the door and I was starving, so I ate dinner right away. This is not how it normally works. Normally I don't eat until 7 or 8pm. So now I'm sitting here all weirded out because I did everything backwards. I have all this time to just... sit here.

This day, it is messing up my brain and I don't like it.