NOM NOM NOM

I had a mega super craving for a burger and milkshake today, so I decided to treat myself to a take out lunch from White Spot. (What? It's the closest place to my house!) I got the same thing I normally get, which is a combo. Normally, I'd eat the whole darn thing. But today I barely managed to finish the burger before I was totally full. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN????

I think I have inadvertently taught myself about portion control, via having the worst eating habits ever in time. You see, when I get stressed out, I tend to forget to eat. I also tend to develop a nervous stomach. So I average about one meal a day, and when I eat that one meal a day, I don't eat much. Just because I'm not that hungry. But I've been finding that since I've gotten better (meaning SINCE I'VE GOTTEN SOME DAMN SLEEP) when I get hungry, I need to eat way less in order to feel full. I've actually lost about 8 pounds in two weeks because of it. 8 pounds!!

Ummm... high fives for anxiety? Ha!

It is not an easy thing.

It is not an easy thing to finally look at yourself in the mirror and admit it to yourself. I AM NOT OKAY. It is not an easy thing to admit it to your friends and family. I AM NOT OKAY. It is not an easy thing to walk into a little room and sit in front of someone you have never met before and say it. I AM NOT OKAY.

It is really, really hard.

But after you say it to each of these people, yourself, your friends, a doctor, you know that you will be okay. And they will help you get there again.

I'm awake.

Last night I slept more than I have in a long while. I still woke up at 4:30am, but prior to that there was some legit sleeping going on. I laughed so much this morning. I feel like a human again. It's a nice feeling, as I really wasn't looking forward to dining on your brains for dinner so that I could maintain my zombie-like existence.

This is it.

Well, this is it. Soon it will be tomorrow (July 19th). Tomorrow is the last day I will spend as a 28 year old. I must say, I've learned a lot in these 28 years. Especially during the last year.

I've learned that I am not my situation.

I've learned that I'm much more fragile than I thought.

I've learned that I'm so much stronger than I thought.

I've learned that I'm important.

I've learned that I mean something to someone. To lots of someones.

I've learned that friendship is more like family than I ever knew.

I've learned to communicate my needs.

I've learned that I have real talent and I shouldn't hide from it.

I've learned that it's okay for me to be proud of myself.

I've learned that it's okay to cry.

I've learned that I am full of surprises.

I've learned to ask for help when I need it.

I've learned to accept help when it's offered.

I've learned that I'm better than that.

Huh.

Some days I can't quite figure out what to do with myself. I get the feeling there are all sorts of things I am supposed to be doing, but I don't know what they are. Sometimes I keep lists to make sure I remember these things I'm supposed to be doing, but then I forget about the lists. Maybe I need a list of all my lists. Or maybe I just need a new brain? Wheeeeeee!

Moving is a good time.

IF YOU ARE INTO THINGS THAT ARE TOTALLY HORRIBLE.

I'm moving out of my current housing unit at the end of the month. I got off to a good start last week by getting rid of a whole bunch of junk I had stashed away in the storage room. It was incredibly satisfying... until I realized that I still have to go through the rest of the crap in my house too. I have lived in this place for 5 years. That is a long time. Do you know how much junk one can obtain in 5 years? A lot. A lot of junk. A lot of junk that becomes very dusty after just sitting there for who knows how long. Which is super awesome when you have bad allergies like I do. So basically what I'm saying is that I am likely to be sneezing my stupid face off for the rest of the month.

Yeah. You wish you had my life.

OH HAI.

I just had a good long chat with a friend and I feel really good about things right now. (Aside from the fact that I'm sick today. Wah.) After 5 years here, I gave notice on my apartment today. I don't know where I'll be living in August. Everything in my life is so up in the air right now. I might get a job in another city and have to move away. I might get a job here and will finally have an apartment of my own. I might not have a job at all, which would have me temporarily staying with someone. All I know is that it's the start of something. Something crazy. Something good.

It's not just for me, either. So many of my friends are going through big changes right now. Buying houses, selling houses, moving to new places, moving back home, starting new jobs, leaving old jobs, etc. I'm just really excited for everyone. It helps a lot to be going through this transition along with so many others. We're all going to be so scared, but we're all going to be so happy. It's going to be great.